idontknowy4

Hello Gumdrop!
          
          I'm so sorry it took me so long to get back to you, but I finally finished reading your Twins Of Apollo book (both parts) and I wanted to say first off, good job!
          
          Writing is hard, I should know, it took me a little over a year and some to finish my Leo × Reader book. 
          
          I love the way you integrate such sarcasm and wit into the banter between Aurora and Aelius (great names by the way.)
          
          I do have a few suggestions. (Feel free to ignore them, I have no idea what I'm doing, lol)
          
          1. Try breaking your dialogue and text apart.
          I've found that for most readers reading alot of text like this, that is just all one line is really difficult. To some people it may be overwhelming when you are faced with a wall of striaght text and no eye breaks. Dialogue and descriptions get mixed up and people tend to skim read.
          
          Instead, try something like this.
          
          Break up each line into smaller paragraphs based on what they're talking about/describing.
          
          If they are similar, keep them together. If you want dramatic emphasis or a line to really get noticed,
          
          make it a new line!
          
          2. My other tip is to separate your dialogue from the rest of your text. You write such great banter between the twins and the Stoll brothers, but it gets lost "when it's just in the middle of your paragraphs." Like this.
          
          Try the piece above, by making every dialogue sentence a new line.
          
          "This way, your readers eyes are drawn to the dialogue and it isn't lost."
          
          Other then that, I'm loving your story so far! These are just minor details, that come with alot of practice and discovering what you find most aesthetically pleasing. You're doing great, and I can't wait to continue reading. 
          
          (Also great freaking job on the prophecy! That was very well done!!)
          
          Lots of love, and good luck!
          
          - Thesourgummyworm <3

is it just me or do apollo and hermes kinda give thor and loki vibes in the sibling rivarlry department?

so, when was the first time you suspected luke was the traitor? for me i always thought he was suspicius from the start cus he was too 'perfect' now dont get me wrong, i love a well writen villain and i personally understand his motives and how he felt neglected and used but he was still in the wrong,all though i completely agree he did the right thing in the end. but what confirmed my suspicions was when he gave percy the winged shoes knowing he was a son of posiedon and would get shot down if he flew, so he was obviosly setting him up. but i love and hate luke at the same time cus on one hand hes a very well writen villain with very relatable trauma and motives, but on the other hand, he reminds me of the people i hate most; the people who smile in your face while scheming against you. i noticed luke was the traitor so quikly cus i grew up around those type of people so luke makes my skin crawl while also melting my heart at the same time so i just really dont know how to feel about him. although he did the right thing in the end, but, he did so much more wrong, but, he changed so much for the better. so i dont think hes a hero or a villain, cus he was wrong but righteous. a very well written character and maybe one of my favorites. 

so the power went out in almost all of south georgia for like four days and my dumbass had to try to turn on the bathroom light like 15 times XD

got 4 new twins of apollo chapters. but i have to many other ideas, i like pjo, kane chronicles, mha. and i have like 5 diffrent senarios in my head for each. i cant think straight