ifoundmyb4lls

@ifoundmyb4lls I’ve news. I’m back on Tumblr, so you can hop on it whenever you’re free ;)

@ifoundmyb4lls why hello to you too, a month later

@stillwithfifi fancy seeing you here. 

@ifoundmyb4lls it’s alright. I would say my life hasn’t been too good altogether so good places hardly make any difference. I’ll tell you about it once we find a better platform to talk on

And yes, I haven’t forgotten that I’m supposed to figure out a way to talk to you. I was going through my old accounts and idk what happened to the Instagram one. Besides, I don’t think it’s secret to you that I haven’t been trying too hard to do something about it either and that’s solely on me, not because of you. As I said, I gotta do what I gotta do to make sure I don’t spiral and a huge chunk of it depends on how much time I spend online. Talking to you would be the good part, but I also feel incapable of just talking atm. Still for you I’ll do it, just don’t lose hope on me.
            
            I’m sorry I missed your birthday too. That’s one mistake I’ve no excuses for. But Happiest Belated Birthday, you always make me proud and are probably the only person I’ve ever met, virtually or in reality, who understands what it takes and have guts to fight everything and still stay. You’re stronger than anyone I’ve ever met and I mean it.

@ifoundmyb4lls I don’t understand how I end up taking so much time to reply without realising, so apologies for that m’lady. 
            
            Eh, let’s not talk about how I’ve been doing. But i hope you realise how much I appreciate you staying and coming back here always no matter how much time I take. 
            
            Is it? I believe some hobbies can help with those struggles, but of course it depends on the intensity. I would say you’re doing amazing regardless. You spent a lot of mental and physical energy on these new changes anyway, so take your time and enjoy each moment as it comes. No pressure. How’s it going with that roommate?
            Separate bathroom? Thank fuck. You can’t trust anyone else to keep it the way you like it, plus it feels dirtier if someone else uses it no matter what.  Is the loneliness any better?
            
            It’s amazing that you’re already seeking help, please take it slow. These changes are going to overwhelm you unfortunately and I know just words won’t help, but it’s for a short while. Once you’ve adjusted properly it’ll be better. The latter part, I understand, that’s all I can say. You and me aren’t too different in that regard, and it’s a huge burden to carry when something as small as happiness seems fleeting and you don’t have long term hope, so do what makes you feel best in the moment.
            
            how did it go?
            

@ifoundmyb4lls you’re naive, and it isn’t a bad thing either. I’m not calling you dumb, far from it, but you view the world through your heart, which doesn’t go too well in today’s world. If you ask for my opinion though then please stay like that.
            
            Okay :D

@stillwithfifi for some people, not me though :p
            
            yes, it’s extremely true. 

@ifoundmyb4lls 21-22 is still pretty naive, yeah?  
            
            Is that true?
            
            That’s crazy

@stillwithfifi no.
            
            i swear i don’t remember. i was an extremely weird child, so i couldn’t tell you what i was thinking. i’m a little embarrassed though, my gosh. and well, yes. i mean, i learnt that at a young age ;( but i’m alot more cautious about almost everything. thanks to my anxiety :p
            
            shhhh. 
            
            :p
            
            okay ‪‪‪‪<3 

@ifoundmyb4lls  it does, sooner or later.
            
            You definitely remember. You used to be crazy about him. 
            Improved how? You don’t get into random vans when they bribe you with chocolate anymore?
            
            Then you still can’t make right decisions for yourself.
            
            ;)
            
            I’m not gonna delete it.

@stillwithfifi okay :))

@stillwithfifi oh no, do i come on too strong? :/ 
            
            excuuuuuuse me, i’m 20 in less than two months. that’s very adult. 
            
            uhhhh, nothing? i did not say anything :D i really don’t think they’re gonna try and kill me, bebe. i’m sure i’ll be fine.
            
            they definitely do. and i DO. but i don’t recall you ever telling me that you wear them. but i’m sure if you did, i probably said some really out of pocket things. 
            
            hush, no i don’t. 

@ifoundmyb4lls I’ll be honest, you scare me sometimes.
            
            Definitely not what I meant. A 19 year old is a kid to me.
            
            You called me what now? 
            Cause then you’re gonna end up getting killed and we don’t want that. Scary, isn’t it?
            
            Nerdy yes, but people love nerds nowadays. And I thought you said you remembered things?  
            You got some weird taste buds kid.

@stillwithfifi i know you did, but i know there had been reasons for it. no, i didn’t turn into a monk hahaha. i’m just like super attached and loyal, and i miss you too much. 
            
            you mean adults being sarcastic to adults? hehe
            
            yes mommy, i will keep a weapon in arms reach. don’t get along too well? why’s that, huh?
            
            i dunno, i do look extremely nerdy with them on. i didn’t know you wore glasses though. yummy.

@stillwithfifi part three!!
            
            surprisingly yes. last time was highschool, and that burnt me out so badly the thought of studying made me want to die! ‪‪<3 but, i’ve been out of school for over a year now, and i miss learning. but yeah, definitely nerdy. i even have the glasses to go along with it. 
            
            i really beg to differ. it had gotten real bad, bebe. omg you’re a therapist now? but i honestly will talk to someone eventually, i definitely need it. anyway, i do agree, i absolutely should have. but i was too scared of being abandoned that i put up with it. ironic considering i ended up being abandoned anyway. and, i have no clue. don’t want to know anyway. i know he’s got a new girlfriend, which is insane considering circumstances. i really can’t talk about them here, so i’ll tell you another time. 
            
            lol no, i lied. i’ve subconsciously known for a very very very long time. you helped me come to terms with it though. 
            
            you’re welcome :) missed you. 

@stillwithfifi part two!!
            
            of course, and i’m pretty confident that i’ll love what i do. i’ve wanted to be a psychologist for years now. and wow, he really didn’t know what he was talking about. i dunno, i feel like it’s hard for people to tell you what you should want to be. like, they can offer advice, but at the end of the day, you know yourself better than anyone. i did stop wanting to be a psychologist for a while, because of things that happened with my dad, trauma, etc. since i thought it would be too much for me to handle, but i’m at a good point in my life right now where i’m confident that i’ll be able to do some good for people who need it. 
            
            i’m doing shares houses, i’m not sure if there’s a difference? as of right now, it’s my best option until i can earn more money. but, as soon as my sister can move, her and i will absolutely be living together. i cannot wait! 
            
            you. what’re you gonna do about it? 
            
            what am i sugarcoating? 

@stillwithfifi omg hi bebe!! 
            
            i know it’s not healthy, i just love reading :( but, i do have some exciting news, i start university on monday and i’ll be moving into the share houses soon as well! so ill have to prioritise my sleep anyway! and yes i know it doesn’t, but i definitely feel like a grandma when i do.
            
            maybe. i could probably be a lot worse. 
            
            oh absolutely, you bring it out of me. 
            
            hey :( don’t be mean. 
            
            YES! you need to stop saying you’re proud, i like it too much. yes, positive things like going to clubs. i’ve only ever been once, and it was an experience for sure. 
            
            it won’t for me, i don’t know why. like, i can write heaps but once i go to send it, it says the message is too long.