TW // depression, trauma, homophobia
Hey all.
Things haven't been going well in my life for the past few years (I don't want to recall or elaborate anything, the tags are enough I guess) and everything has been taking a huge toll on me. This period of time has been disastrous (to say the least) for the skills I originally intended to nurture, for my very first love that was literature and creative writing: I expressed all my vulnerable emotions through words, and some time ago, when everything was getting too much for me and I was falling apart, I threw out all my pieces. Stories, poems, compositions, drabbles, drafts, everything. Ripped every hard copy to shreds, deleted everything on my computer, save for the lucky few I pitied.
Although my mental health isn't at its worst anymore the way it had been for a while, it's still enough to trigger a panic attack as a response and I haven't been able to fathom everything that has happened without bursting into sobs or thinking of ways to inflict physical or emotional injury upon myself to FEEL something. I have forgotten entirely to express myself the way I loved to for so long, and now I'm trying to live off the few pieces that I showed mercy towards, and everything feels like I'm living in a void underwater now, because every sense of mine has been numbed, paralyzed, until I realize how messed up everything was years later.
So long story short, I'm closing this account. Not deactivating because I would still want to occasionally skim through some of my favorite stories here, but I won't use this account anymore. My mental health keeps spiraling downwards, and I don't want to lash out at anyone unintentionally or be seen as a threat, but maybe I'll come back to this account when I'm feeling better.
Logging off.
