wishiwereheather

I miss you pookiee 

<3

Hey! How are you?

ur username is so relatable o.o

Hey bitches!
          
          So guess who studied for basically 4 hours straight last night, with  literally ONE BREAK for, like, 10 minutes to make a totally carb-loaded dinner and ate it while I continued studying?
          
          ThiS DuMbAsS!
          
          And then, as if the gods don't already hate me enough, my dad yelled at me about studying too long and how it hurts me and everyone around me, which, thanks bitch I know.
          
          AND THEN.
          
          This asshole contradicted himself so much I was super confused, and he was pissed at me for saying the wrong answer to one of his million questions. Dude, I was literally about to FALL ASLEEP STANDING UP. I've been studying and shit this whole week, and I decided, "oh, taking a whole ass hydroxyzine this morning before school to calm my nerves is a great idea!" 
          
          nOpE.
          
          I was half dead all day, dragging my feet like a fucking zombie and practically slurring my words like I was drunk as hell. And then that fucking HOUR-LONG "conversation" (read: lecture) happened, and I was about to collapse.
          
          BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
          
          THIS BITCH GAVE ME A FUCKING PANIC ATTACK!
          
          How absolutely amazing is that? Yeah, suddenly my heart was in my stomach and tears were in my eyes and he said "what's wrong now?" 
          And I told him, and he got me an ice cube and then walked away.
          
          wHiCh wAs GrEaT.
          
          So that happened, and then my mom came home, while I was having a panic attack, and actually HELPED me through it.
          
          And man, that was the VERY FIRST TIME I have ever had a panic attack at home. Where they could actually see me. And it was triggered by my dad.
          
          Do I feel unsafe around him now? Am I kinda scared to see him again after school today? Yeah, you could say that.
          
          
          
          Okay, I'm done now, sorry, I really needed to rant.
          
          As always, if anyone's struggling too, my pms are always open, and we can rant about our crap-ass mental health and shit together.
          
          Bye Gremlins, take care of yourselves and eat lots of rainbow sprinkles!
          
          --mentallyunstablegremlin 

Hi.
          
          Soooo.... I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have a panic attack today.
          
          I'm super insanely fucking stressed about stupid midterms and my final project for Journalism, and Ive een feeling kinda depressed lately. Hell, last night, I had a sudden urge while laying in bed to self harm. And just thinking about it now, I kinda really wanna do it.
          
          So ya. I'm just done with everything and everyone, most of all myself, and I'm just about out of spoons.
          
          I'm sorry for...whatever the fuck that was, I just really needed to tell someone, and even if no one actually reads this, it's a hell of a lot better than telling my parents, cause my dad would ask me why I'm depressed and feeling the urge, and I'd most likely get in trouble for saying idk, which of course would lead to a long ass lecture and shit. My mom already told me to just do mantras, which like, ik you wanna help, but it doesn't actually DO anything.
          Like, all my mantras consist of either "I will be okay," "im safe," or "nothing bad will happen" but none of that helps me. Idc if I will be ok, I wanna be ok NOW. 
          I don't feel safe, not from myself at least. And I can't shake the feeling that something bad WILL happen.
          
          So I'm kinda just trying not to burst into tears, snap at everyone, and lose the self control to NOT self harm.
          
          Again, I'm sorry for that. But thanks to whoever listened, if anyone did.
          
          Anyway, bye, and I REEEEEEAAAALLY hope y'all have a much better day than I'm having. And if anyone wants to talk, my pms are always open.
          
          --depressedgremlin

My English teacher just posted classwork for tomorrow. Um, I'm sorry, wHAT???? Bitch, today is the LAST DAY OF BREAK, and you're seriously gonna RUIN it by posting work?? Oh, and let's not forget, this is the fucking MIDTERM REVIEW. Yeah. I have midterms two days after break, aka TWO DAYS INTO THE NEW YEAR??? Who the fuck does that? I mean, yeah, the American school system SUCKS ASS, to put it nicely, but, like, really? You already torture us literally almost EVERY DAY, and ya wanna fucking DOUBLE that torture? AnD yOu WoNdEr WhY wE aLL hAtE sChOoL. Bitch, how the fuck else are we supposed to feel? Happy? No, this is high school, aka HELL. We ain't gonna pretend it's fucking sunshine and rainbows and glitter and unicorns and purple flying squirrels. No, we're gonna treat it like the fucking PRISON it is.
          
          So YeAh. That's how this year's about to start.
          
          Oh, also, I have no idea what we're doing in HALF MY CLASSES, so I'm fucking SCREWED for the midterm. So ya. Fuck me sideways with a pitchfork. 

Hi Gremlins!
          
          Idk if you guys know, but I published a book! Yay!
          
          It's called "Hearts On Fire," and it's a collection of poems I wrote/am writing.
          
          I'd love it if you could please check it out and let me know what you think!
          
          I have a couple poems in progress right now, so those aren't out yet, but I think I have about... 4 poems published?
          
          I'm not sure, but there's a couple, and I'd like you to please read them.
          
          Oh, and thanks to @imwastingmylifehere for reading and commenting on one of the poems, you are truly amazing!
          
          Thanks everybody, and have a great day/night/etc.!
          
          --yasssgremlin 

GoOdNiGhT GrEmLiNs! 
          
                   Z
                Z 
          
             z
          
          z
          

Hi Gremlins!
          
          So i was reading a book, "Purple Is Not A People Color" by @cmw2848 (great book, btw, you should check it out), and the main character said something about wanting to shrivel up and die, preceding it with, "I know this sounds awful". 
          
          And i just need to let everyone know: it's not awful to say. It sucks, A LOT, for you and those who care about you, but it's not like a bad word, or a crime, or a fight behind school after-hours. It won't offend someone or get you in trouble (at least, it shouldn't), it won't get you suspended or expelled or arrested. 
          
          Obviously I'm not gonna say "it's okay," cause i know from experience that that shit doesn't help, but it's not "bad." If someone has a problem with it, first of all, send them to me, they won't leave in one piece; second, they need to suffer in Tartarus for eternity (and then some); and third, they are wrong and are ABSOLUTELY NOT allowed to say that, or invalidate you.
          
          If you need/wanna talk, I'm here, i know what SI, depression, anxiety, and SH is like (to an extent, at least, through my personal experiences). PM me if you need someone, i will do my best to be here for anyone who needs it.
          
          Please stay safe and healthy the best you can.
          
          --yasssgremlin