illbestronger

i wrote a tap
          	i might make it into a book this summer https://taptap.app.link/5VGCQQY20C

illbestronger

Lately I've been feeling like losing my mind. And I don't know where to go with this information also I most certainly do not wanna deal with it. More and more frequently I see things that are not really there. And emerging car that will be a hazard for me, if only it was actually there. I scoop to the side but for what? The car was never there. 
          
          I am afraid not so much for the sometimes horror like sights and feelings, no I am afraid of losing my mind. Collapsing. The feeling of doing everything without any meaning. Like I've been doing the wrong thing for all my life and I've just now come to realize it. The feeling of not being the person I was last year, as if the person I am today only just started living, feeling, breathing and creating. And slowing breaking apart again. As if the ones I surrounded myself with are not in my life anymore so that life is over as a hole. And looking back at it is like reading someone else's story. Seeing a movie of another person's development. 
          
          If all that is true, who am I? Am I really just a image of what is now, tomorrow but not next year? Who will me be tomorrow.  Will I be there next year? Or will another me take over this body? Is that even possible. And if than who are you? 
          
          Are you also just an image of what will be tomorrow and the day After that but not next year? Am I really just going insane cause I don't recognize myself in what I am writing is this really me? 
          
          Who is me?
          
          I do not want awnsers. 
          
          I want to forget the questions.
          
          Lately I've been feeling like losing my mind.

illbestronger

It's wrong, why do I always feel that everyone and every moment in time that I happen to encounter is wrong. Every word I say leads to the wrong way and people know that is wrong and they are all frustrated by me because I'm always doing everything wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. And that moment when I said that the world was beautiful and that god made me and told me I was a flower. It felt right then but it was wrong. Because I kill my flowers, forgot to water them because I thought a cactus didn't need a lot of water. I was wrong. And God wasn't wrong for making me look like one, I was wrong because I made the world ugly for always being wrong. I made the world ugly for always speaking about myself. I don't blame anyone but me for all the deadly sin. It's wrong.