h.

he didn't even say goodbye it hurts tbh

i am upset, idk if i have ever ranted it here but... my mom asked help (she's chinese) for my cousin's homework (my cousin studies english because they study in hongkong) and i refused to help (i am really mean) and my aunt said "why won't your daughter help you? she can understand english" (she said that in chinese but i made a bit of it) i replied "my mom never helped me doing my homeworks when i was younger... i answered it all by myself" my mom said "i don't understand english nor tagalog!" and i replied "well, i don't understand chinese too! that's their problem"
          
          i just feel so upset... it's unfair

there is this one bitch in class.
          
          everyone absolutely hates her. even the transferees noticed her plastic personality.
          
          i guess an attention seeker.
          
          a backstabber. a plastic. a snake.
          
          even the nicest kid in class despise her.

hindi kami mahirap, may kaya kami. we can be considered as middle class, but seriously, our financial state is getting worse. money has always been the freaking problem in our family. nothing goes right if money is involved, heck, i think my mom would trade me off for money.
          
          there was always this tension between my mom and my aunt, they are always fighting because of my dad. it's not because of something romantically (that would be disgusting), it's because they are kind of trying to win my dad's favor to leech off money, i guess?
          
          i don't know, it honestly just gets worse...
          
          my older sister and my mom would fight about the finances. my sister spends money and my mom is mad about it. they would turn the house into a battle ground. and it's honestly just very tiring

hey, love.
          
          i love you so much, and i feel like i haven't said it enough. but please remember, i love you so so much. take care and keep healthy.
          
          advance happy birthday !

so it was teacher's day yesterday, it was supposed to be happy, to be fun. 
          
          i was enjoying the first half of the program, but then the fifth graders beside just ruined it all.
          
          it was after lunch, i noticed the pretty girl from fifth grade her head hang low and burried on her palms, i was concerned, so i asked her classmate beside her. her classmate said that 'the boys were peaking at her undergarments.'
          
          we were seated in bleachers, the male fifth graders were seated a level higher than us. so it made sense.
          
          i whipped my head to the male fifth graders to scold them. but then they started talking about my lewd things about me, it disgusted me. sure, my classmates are also dirty, but they never disrespected a girl and talked lewd about them, they just talk things among themselves.
          
          after that, i shut my mouth and tried to focus on the program but every now and then i started flinching and shifting on my seat, i started to feel very uncomfortable, i begin to have a hard time breathing. i became tensed, i looked so awkward seating and fidgeting every damn five seconds. i started clawing my thighs, and my arm. it was like having a mild panic attack.
          
          i desperately asked to switch places, i glanced to the other places, trying to find a classmate who would gladly switch places with me. i tried asking my seatmate, and she refused. i didn't bother her again, because the fifth graders might also talk lewd about her. but then my fidgeting became worse, i started feeling cold on my back, breathing was like the hardest thing, so i asked again. this time, noticing my discomfort she agreed. it did made things a bit better but i still would be tense af and feel uncomfortable.

i feel like a horrible daughter.

i just admire my bestfriends so much
          
          she is such an independent and a trustworthy lady. she beautiful. a perfect wife material.
          
          she took care of her little siblings without any help, did the laundry, served food on their table and tucked them to sleep. she is amazing.
          
          i want to be like her. someone who is capable and is actually useful.

there is just some shady sht going on .
          
          my bestfriend's mom gave birth. she is supposed to be back from the hospital already, but no she was nowhere to be found. the father is missing?? they got their electricity cut off but still no signs. they also have nothing with them, no money no food.
          
          like wtf is happening ?

so we have story telling tomorrow and apparently i have to be a drunk lady because i wrote about a drunk lady saying some stupid shits.