ilysepphire

I do not remember.
          	It started a while back, May, I believe.
          	Went on for the first few months, I was happy. Everyday, lots of love being given, lots of care. 2 months ago, I believe, was when everything decided to shape shift. I felt so drained out. Somewhat like my optimism was being taken away, sucked out of me. My energy following. I do not remember, I had stated; so I'm not quite sure of the reason. It has happened before. Probably since I moved worlds on June 22nd, 2018. I found all sorts of people. Amongst them, were ones similar to what I believe I was found in. Giving all I have, one mistake and its like I don't matter anymore, then it's like nothing happens when they need me again. I used to be a people pleaser, I used to never know what guilt tripping was. June 2018 - Around February 2022 has been the period where I struggled most, and had most personality shifts. February made me loved, gracious, like, I was actually doing something right. I did experience some of that cycle again, around March, or April, I believe. However, easier. I found myself. I was a sweet fairy princess in all their eyes, eventually mine too. Although, I never actually thought I could be so shitty... So cruel... I found the cycle repeating itself; Over and over and over. By this moment, we're in November. I tried. Overcame. Tried. Overcame. Tried. Tired. Tried.. And eventually I felt hopeless, used, drained. Eventually I'm losing myself, over, over and over again. Everything I have. Everything that could possibly go right in my life, ruined by my own shame, my own cruelty.