Me: um excuse me sir? I have a problem to report.
Police Man/Woman/Child: Yes what it is.
Me: I have a case of identity theft I was hoping you could get to the bottom of. This unknown person on an app called Wattapad seems to be impersonating me in his/her bio. I mean siriusly, who does that?
.....................
HOW IN THE NAME OF MCSHIZZLE DID YOU DO THAT.......YOU KNOW ALL OF MY WEAKNESSES....I MUST ESCAPE...
*deletes Wattapad and throws phone on the Pacific Ocean*