Watermelon3ee

I franticly serched for my phone until I found it. I grabbed it and immidietly diled 911. I began to feel light headed and I paniced even more. I hit the call button with my bloody finger and brought it up to my ear.
          
          "911, What is the adress of you emergancy?" A man asked from the phone.
          
          "L-Look I don't have time that... I j-just tried to k-kill myself by cutting and it's really bad and I.need help or I'm gonna d-ie.. I really do-don't want to die.." I spoke franticly the phone. My hands were shakey and my vison was fading in and out. I'm gonna die.
          
          "Ok sir please calm down. I have EMS headed you way. Do you have any sort of cloth next to you?"
          
          I couldnt hold the phone up to my ear anymore, having to let it fall to the side. I put him on speaker phone.
          
          "I.. I can't f-fucking move.." I spoke as loud as I could.
          
          "Ok, EMS are 2 minuites out. Can you try to stay with me?"
          
          "Fuck.. I-I'm not gonna l-last that long.."
          
          I heard the ambulance in the distance but I couldnt do anything but sit there.
          
          "Please try. What room are you in on what floor?"
          
          "T-The.. bathroom.. second.. f-flo.." 
          
           The sounds around me started to fade, the last thing I heard being sirens.

I brought the blade up to the skin of my thigh before thinking for a moment. Maybe I should do it. I wouldnt have to deal with this life anymore. Nobody actually cares anyway. Hell some people would be happy to see that I killed myself. It would be a fitting end. Half the people who watch me don't even like me. I don't deserve the people who do like me. I don't understand it.
          
          I thought about the fact I need to leave something behind. I could write notes, but that's to much work. I pulled out my phone and propped it up on the toilet. Once I was sure it wouldnt fall I hit record.
          
          "Well.. if your seeing this.. I'm dead. I guess people usually say something like I'm sorry I did this but I'm not. I'm doing you all a favor. Jake, I want you to know that I love you and I will.miss you. Carrington, you were a great room mate and I'll miss you too. You guys made me the happiest I've been in years.. and I can't thank you enough for that. Mom, I love you. You were the best mom I could ask for. *pause* I guess all I can say is that this is no ones fault. I did this to myself. My mind is a hell I live in everyday. I can't do it anymore. *long pause* Ok well.. I love you all. I hope you all live long, happy lives without me. Goodbye forever."
          
          I hit stop recording. Tears were streaming down my face non stop. I can't belive I'm doing this. I can't back out now.
          
          I brough the blade up to my skin and heasitaed before pushing it in the skin the hardest I ever had. I hissed through my teeth as I watched it drag across my skin like butter. Blood appeared under the blade immidietly. I continued the prosses and blood dripped down my arm until I couldnt take it anymore. I dropped the blade next to me and staired at what I had done. Blood was gushing out of the wounds uncontrobly. I began to panic. I shouldnt have done this.

I let sobs wrack through me for a bit. I should have never belived he would like me back. He's straight. 
          
          Blade
          
          After a few minuites I heard a car engine and I looked up to see my uber. I tried to compose myself the best I could before I walked to the car and opened the back door, getting in. I said hi to the driver and she did the same before shifting the car into drive. We were bith silent the whole car ride, besides my sniffles every so often.
          
          Once I got home I thanked the driver and tipped her in cash. I got out of the vehicle and walked up to the house, pulling out my keys and unlocking the door. I walked inside of the cold, empty house, feeling relife wash over me.
          
          Blade
          
          I closed the door behind me and walked up to my room. Once I got there I grabbed a small box that was in a bigger box under my bed. I opened it and smiled, seeing my blades. I closed it and headed twords the bathroom. I shut the door and set the little box on the counter before unbottoning my jeans. I slid them down to my ankles and sat on the floor. After getting situaited in a criss cross position I grabbed the box.
          
          I began to think about what happend at the party as I opened it, feeling tears prick at my eyes once again. I can't belive how stupid I am. How idiotic it was to think he could ever like someone like me, the anti social emo who's unfunny, unattractive, unworthy of anyones affection or love. 
          
          I picked a blade out of the box. My sharpest one. I deserved this. I deserve the pain. Not just the physical pain, but the mental pain. The pain I feel everyday from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. I'm a waist of space. A waist of life. Maybe I should just kill myself. That way nobody would ever have to deal with me. They wouldnt have to deal with my break downs, my anxiety, my annoyingness. It could all go away.

Hi! I love your work and I would love if you joined a JxJ writing server on discord- add me on discord please! My username is jazogb <3

Johnnie:
          I was putting the dishes into the dishwasher when I felt someone behind me. I assume it was Jake so I smirked and turned around. I soon realized it was in fact not my boyfriend, but my other roommate, Carrington. 
          
          "Holy shit Carr! I thought you were Jake.."
          
          "Sorry man, didn't mean to scare you." He said sympathetically. 
          
          I noticed how close we were and got uncomfortable, closing the dishwasher and backing away from him. But he stepped closer to me. This continued until I was up against the counter.
          
          "What are you doing Carrington..? I'm uncomfortable." I said. Thankfully I heard Jake walking down the stairs. 
          
          Carrington cupped my face with his hand and leaned in, closing his eyes. What the fuck is he doing??
          
          "Dude, what the fuck are you doing?" I ask aggressively enough for him to stop.
          
          "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to kiss you. Now if you just let me-"
          
          "What the fuck is going on here?" 
          
          Both me and Carrington look over to see Jake fuming. I pushed Carrington off of me and speed walk over to Jake.
          
          "Dude, he's not your boyfriend. I can do what I want with him." Carrington said. 
          
          "I'm not an toy, thanks." I say. This has to be a joke.
          
          "And he is my boyfriend. So no, you can't do what you want with him." Jake spoke. He was obviously pissed. I love it when he gets possessive.
          
          "Oh shit.. uhm," He pulls out the camera he had hiding, "It was a prank.."
          
          Jake left my side and the next thing I know Carrington is on the ground holding his face.
          
          "I don't care if it was a prank. Stay the fuck away from my boyfriend." Jake hissed. "If you ever try that shit again, your out."
          
          Fuck he's so hot when he's like this. 
          
          "Go out for a few hours. Make sure you don't have a concussion." I said quickly.
          
          We watch as Carrington scrambles to get up, find his keys, and get out the door.
          
          "That was hot as fuck." I say, wrapping my arms around Jake's neck. 
          
          "I'm glad you think me punching our roommate is hot." He jokes.

Jake saved me. Ever since we worked on KMS together we got really close. Ever since that faithful April in 2022 I haven't wanted to leave as much. The closer we get the less my depression effects me. He has no idea I have depression. He never will. He'll never know how much he means to me. He'll never know how inlove love I am with him.
          
          It's not easy to not catch feelings for Jake Webber. He's kind. He's understanding.  He's relatable. He's adorable. He never says no to a fan asking for a picture. He's never forgetting to ask if they want a picture with me too. Not to mention he's hot as fuck.
          
          Jake Webber is my savior. Jake Webber is the love of my life. Jake Webber is the one for me.
          ___
          Jake and I were having a movie night. Well I was watching the movie and he was sleeping. Like always. We were watching the notebook. I picked this movie because I planned on telling him tonight. If I don't do it now I never do it.
          
          I shook Jake slightly, trying to wake him up. When that didn't work I yelled his name, making him jump awake.
          
          "What the fuck dude? I was sleeping good too.." Jake said, obviously annoyed. 
          
          "Sorry man," I cringed at my choice choice of words, "I just really need to tell you something, if I don't do it now I never will."
          
          Jake looked at me wearily, he then sat up.
          
          "What.. What is it..?" He said, the concern never leaving his eyes.
          
          "Ok.. so it's kind of a long story. Ok, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression when I was 14. I have been hospitalized 3 times. Once when I was 14, then when I was 18. The last time was when I was 24. 4 months before I met you. The date I had planned to kill myself was a week after you texted. You saved me Jake. Every hour I'm with you, I feel my depression fading away slowly. You make me happy have
          Jake. Basically what I'm trying to get at is that your my best friend and.." I paus after I realized what I was about to tell him.
          
          "And.. what??" The other boy asked desperately. 
          
          "And.. and I'm in love with you!"

Salutations