irememberbooksastuff

Thanks!!! I will!!!

barbiel

There are many ways to capture an audience. For instance, the way you play on words by using metaphors, simile's, personification. You can compare the love that she has for him to the sweetest thing on earth. The use of dialogue makes a big difference for your type of story so the audience can get the personality of the person talking through what they say. The dialogue between the forbidden lovers can show a lot of passion based on the words you choose for them to say. Description is also a big thing for your type of story and you didn't really have that. You could have said, when the father was talking to the daughter, that the father's green eyes even seemed to yell at her or something like that. Just an example, you don't have to use it if you don't want to. Anyway, the main thing you have to do is take your time to write this story because this story needs description of the characters, dialogue between characters, and a play on words to express the emotions better. A play on words also helps the story bring a natural flow. Does that help? Keep writing!