ireneestory

          	Y, life isn’t the same anymore. I lost interest in everything. But somehow, im still here. Maybe some good things can still make you laugh and make you say, “It wasn’t me.” But this is me right now.
          	
          	Y, I love and miss you so much. Maybe i'll play your favorite song, I Am Happy by Yoon Hang Ki and the we can do a little silly dance together. And when will it happend again? There's no you anymore.
          	
          	But Y, can you hear me?

ireneestory

          Y, life isn’t the same anymore. I lost interest in everything. But somehow, im still here. Maybe some good things can still make you laugh and make you say, “It wasn’t me.” But this is me right now.
          
          Y, I love and miss you so much. Maybe i'll play your favorite song, I Am Happy by Yoon Hang Ki and the we can do a little silly dance together. And when will it happend again? There's no you anymore.
          
          But Y, can you hear me?

ireneestory

Yesterday i read an au from someone in tiktok. And that au reminded me of you.
          
          Y, it's been four years since our last goodbye. How's life Y? Are you still learning to play piano or guitar? How's your new year's resolution? How's your little baby cat, is she a mama now? Did you still make it in this life?
          
          My life hasn't been easy since we seperated. But somehow i've made it this far. My rant is less bcs i dont know what to do anymore.I quit my job last year. I couldn’t save my dog. I lost my dad last year too, and never got the chance to reconcile with him. I couldn’t continue school because i lost interest in everything i used to love. I stopped drawing and writing. I gained some weight bcs i changed my medication ans i look so ugly with this moon face. Sometimes, i think you wouldn’t even recognize me if you saw my face. I got hospitalized twice in the past six months (luckily i didn’t get sepsis like what happened after you were gone, hehe). I’m older than Jonghyun oppa now, and it hurts to know that. I visit the ocean less. I still can’t start journaling again, but i keep adding new items to my journal supplies in the hope that i’ll use them someday. I'm blocking most of my friends bcs i'm so jealous hahah. I stopped going to church for five months (i guess). I stopped cutting my hair, and it’s started growing so much (it finally reached my shoulders). I stopped gardening, my flowers died. I stopped playing guitar, or ukulele, or piano. I stopped reading books, even though i keep stocking up on them. Same with albums. There’s so much good music to listen to. I still buy albums but I just keep stocking them up.
          And i still have the same insomnia, but now i can listen to Everything. It feels weird, but somehow, i can.