@irizz-
nocturnal people — or people who stay up all night for whatever reason — are on a next level. how does one stay active after 10 PM? *crying emoji* i have been forced to stay awake at night due to the world cup. any tips?
[ note: i am not talking ill of anyone ! ]
double major... ╰(´︶`)╯♡
@MintFlavoredTeaCup maybe or maybe not. i am still deciding. ( ꈍ◡ꈍ) [ this is such a tough decision, though. (╥‸╥) ]
i do not consider myself old [ or mature ] enough to be giving life advice or making bold statements, but what i am saying here is definitely something i know i would still stand by when i *am* considered old enough.
do not ever compromise your core values [ or your individuality ].
regardless of how bad or good the situation is, how much you love or hate the person, how desperately you yearn for change, or how small or big the matter may seem.
because in the end, it will always hurt one person.
and that person is you.
before anyone says "oh, i do not love myself" or "i think i deserve it", i want to clarify that i am not talking about basic daily compromises, conflicts, trauma responses, changing versions of yourself after certain experiences, delusions, or any of that.
deep down, all of us carry something that fundamentally makes us who we are. and honestly, it is difficult to even give examples because that thing is usually so personal, so unique, and so deeply tied to us that no single example could fully represent it.
and frankly speaking, no matter how much you consciously hate yourself — and i emphasize *consciously* — subconsciously, your body will still react when you betray those parts of yourself. it will still feel hurt, lost, hollow, and empty.
and somehow, that feeling is worse than self-hatred itself.
i have broken one of my core values twice in my life: once because i was forced to and had to pretend, and the second time recently because i loved someone.
both times, i felt immense emptiness, hollowness, and disappointment.
i do not know if anyone else has ever experienced this feeling [ or even seen it portrayed in movies, books, shows, or real life ], but i remember feeling this overwhelming sense of:
"is this really me?"
"who am i?"
that exact feeling haunted me both times.
@eXcUzEmEeee thank you <3 i am so sorry for what you went through and i hope you are doing better now !!
@irizz- this is so profound, but relatable! I've found myself questioning myself, my morals, and it's overwhelming. And it doesn't really matter how old or matured you are, either way, this comes from experience
i met a emotionally intelligent man (other than my cousins) AHHH!!! SOMEONE PLS CALM ME!!!
the last few weeks have been quite busy for me. do not get me wrong: i definitely have had more days where i have been busier, but these days have definitely had a lot of inputs AND outputs (results) compared to those days.
however, as much as i love the accomplishments i am achieving, i have definitely been neglectful of my friends (in real life and online) and my personal interests. :((
i do not want to sound like i am making any excuses, but i have realised i have been more silent and distant with them than before and i want to let everyone know i am sorry for that.
i really want to get back to being more interactive with them and writing too. i am usually good with giving everything and everyone time, but i think the aftermath of the recent trip i had truly pushed me off my pedestal.
i am not making any excuses, but i just wanted to update everyone about me. i cannot make any promises about when i will be active again, but i just want others to know i am not ignoring or being like this one purpose; i just have other things currently occupying my mind at the moment.
i can really do more input work, like reading stories or answering short questions, over long detailed discussions or deep conversations at the moment so if you have a story you want me to read or some ideas to discuss i am here. ^^
@irizz- Don’t worry about it, Iris! I think most people understand anyway! Everyone has their own life, and are oftentimes busy. If you don’t have the energy/can’t reply or respond, that’s alright! I think it’s better to respond when you’re actually feeling good and etc over forcing yourself to. I hope you don’t beat yourself over this :) you’ve always been very sincere and kind regarding friendships - a break or lack of interaction/response is not going to change that/you don’t have to force yourself (sorry, I’m half awake right now so hopefully I’m replying to the right thing lol).
+ the reason i wrote this message is because a real life friend of mine had mistaken my silence for ignorance and arrogance so i just wanted to clarify my intentions over here as well. ♡
[ may delete this post later ].
IRIS! The new BTS album dropped! How are you feeling about it?! Tell me when you’re free :)
@irizz- No idea T-T but I’ve seen that person lurking everywhere so I think they just like fighting(?) ppl lol. Yayyy :) Thank you! <333
@MintFlavoredTeaCup <33 perhaps, ignorance? of course TT i just searched it up and you are right. i knoww and haha, glad to know i am not the only one <33 haha, true. aww, sending hugs <33 :( of course <33
@irizz- Ohhh, okay, I see! That makes sense! Ahhh, thanks for remembering haha. Lol, haha, my bad. Right… I was literally quoting the article that I saw it from. It was probably just an inaccurate translation but idk why the person thought I was trying to victimize them lol. Which I clarified. Exactly! I was thinking back to one of Jungkook’s lives where he was hesitating to say a lot of things… if he can’t say what’s on his mind there (I mean, it makes sense) idk why people think they have so much power in other things as well. Thank you T-T True! I think it’s pretty cool seeing the difference lol. Dude, accusing me of being racist genuinely freaked me out lol because that would never be my intention at all. Thankfully I saw the message and felt my energy drain, so I slept and reread what I wrote multiple times in the morning, and they were just twisting everything I said lol. Because I was being pretty vague, they just saw it and ran with it. Oh well. LOL, yeah. Dang T-T She moved to their… AR team(?) think that’s what it’s called. Awww T-T I totally get why. Their songs were comforting! HAHA, that’s so real though! Their songs were pretty upbeat so I don’t blame you at all. And I do the same too haha. Ah, sad song is a sad song. Jk, Suga’s verse was real (growing up and still having the same worries - like I’d expect my older self to figure things out) and the chorus as well. It’s just how I feel sometimes. Thank you <333
today. was. such. a. good. day.
AHHH!!!
a few days ago, i had brought up the sibling guessing incident with my advisor during a chat. remember, we have never met in person—only voicemails and messages. he is the one who helps me keep my studies on track. anyway, he got curious and asked me to guess his sibling role. for me, the stakes felt so high because my perfect 5/5 streak was on the line and of course i did not want to mess it up. TvT
plus, we have never met face-to-face. all i had were his voice notes—no body language, no live reactions—so i had to rely purely on his tone, his words, and the stereotypical dynamics of each sibling role. [ i did not like doing so, i rather analyse someone according to their human behaviour over generalised behaviour, but i had no choice :( and i made that clear to him! ] it felt impossible compared to my peers, where i had actual one-on-one interactions to analyse. however, i went for it. i laid out every option: only child, youngest, middle, oldest. i even guessed the gender. i explained everything i noticed from his voicemails—how he advised, his tone, little expressions i imagined, why i thought each role might fit or not fit him. my final guess: 1) only child, 2) youngest, 3) middle, 4) oldest. plus, i even guessed the gender.
and… i cannot even. he said i was so close. he is the youngest—ahhh! the reason i had not picked youngest completely was because he didn’t have the typical dramatic flair of a youngest—he is too calm—but he told me i’d gotten him 98%—his personality, family dynamics, life, relationships—somehow i was 98% correct!!!
@MintFlavoredTeaCup <33 ohhh, yesss! i remember! yess, i was going to say exactly what you said here — that sometimes you would phrase your statement in a certain which makes me go, “oh, she is feeling this way,” etc. haha, no worries <33
@irizz- Haha, I don’t take it as bragging. I think people can pick up on tone and expressions, but to use those two and then be able to deduct what role someone has sibling wise is insane lolol. Oh, then maybe it’s uncommon? Idk lol. Ah, I see! That’s very interesting. Dude, over text is really crazy haha. Which was why I remember one time you picking up on me not being confident in my writing although I didn’t explicitly say anything HAHA. That was crazy. Sometimes I would use specific phrases to make myself sound sadder I guess, but that time, I had no intention of doing so, so that was really interesting. Oh, okay lol, my memory smh.
today was such a wild little day for me. i was studying with some new peers i had just talked with. we were five girls excluding me, and everyone somehow ended up talking about siblings. i asked the most talkative girl how many siblings she had, and she smirked and told me to guess. i said two. her jaw — and the other girls’ — just dropped because i was right. i couldn’t help but chuckle. then i asked another girl how many she had, and she told me to guess too. i hummed for a second and told her she looked like an only child to me; their jaws dropped again because i somehow got it right. my eyes went wide. a third one asked me to guess how many she had, and i guessed correctly again, and then went on with the remaining girls *crying emoji* at this point we were all wheezing and completely shocked that i had gotten every single one right. they asked me how and honestly… it was intuition + body language *crying emoji* i don’t even know how to explain it properly — they just gave me certain vibes *skull emoji*
it ended up being such a lovely study session, though :)
@irizz- WOW, obviously I know you’re very perceptive, but that’s insane T-T! That’s so cool!!!
i have been going through ai-generated stories and human-written stories, and i have to say... the gap is so big. this might sound like an unpopular opinion, but i would rather read a story with grammatical errors than one with perfect grammar but no emotion. the difference between ai-written and human-written stories is huge. i had a talk with a friend about this before, but i didn’t really understand it back then—i lacked the knowledge about ai. but now after so much research... wow. the difference is significant, and i totally get why so many authors say ai can not replace human writers. it makes so much sense now. ( •́ ‿ ,•̀ )✎
[ side note, sorry, i realized i had deleted the announcement. TvT ]
@irizz- Yeah :((( Don't worry about it too much :) Honestly I don’t know. It tends to depend on my mood and what I don’t wanna hear. I don’t want you to overthink it haha. If there’s ever something, I’ll tell you :) thank you <333
okay~ thanks to a lovely friend’s advice, i was finally able to get over my reading block (yay!) and i am open for reads now! (｡•ᴗ•｡)♡
if you have any books or one-shots you would like me to check out, feel free to drop them below! i am okay with any ships [ romantic or platonic! , groups, and any genre too~ ♡
[ side note: i do not guarantee a read if there are certain content elements in your book—no worries though, i will check those out myself! if you happen to spot me in your reads, then hiiii in advance! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ ]
@daydreamingaboutbts omg, OF COURSE! ♡ haha, no worries, you are not self promoting! i gave you the chance to allow to me to read your books so, do not worry! :D
@irizz- not to self-promote, but I published a book where I post my doodles, hehe. My drawings aren't the best per say but I love sharing my progress, so if you don't mind... maybe you could check it out?