irsyad1204

2 days before shahwal,
          
          Again and again, i come here pissed off, to let off my steam, cause wattpad is a place i can go to without there being people to judge. Everything i read i become pissed off, wth, its always me, "who ever hurt her?". Me. God, and with the whatsapp double ticks, just note to self, i hate these private people and what they achieve with that double tick function, its all just a stupid initiative so people can read and get away with it. They don't even wanna talk. Bullshit. Fucking hate that shit. And i don't fucking understand how people can share their shit to the world, like 100 people are gonna read shit of the stuff you say. And you're over there proud to the stuff you just practically share. You know how people can judge, then straight the fuck up and don't act like people don't know. Stupid shit. Practically like punching the fuck out of something. Im gonna get my shit together and strive off my own sanity. 

GOD IM SO PISSED OFF! FUCK! DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS THAT BAD! FUCK YOU MAN! I'VE PUT UP WITH ALL BULLSHIT! YOU WANNA FUCK ME UP ON MY BIRTHDAY? ! GO FUCK YOURSELF, I AIN'T GOING DOWN, HELL NAH IM NOT GONNA HIT YOU UP, YOU THINK THAT ONE CALL FROM THE MORNING WAS GONNA MELLOW ME DOWN? NO. HELL NO. FO

It's my birthday today.. Im not 100%... My family made a really corny looking cake.. They wanted to de me a suprise. Was feeling like shit so i slept... Woke up angry af.. My face showed it all... And when i sat at the table.. They suprised me... They looked at my face and knew that i wasn't happy.. I practically spoiled my own birthday.. From the people i live with.. I really appreciate them... But shit... And the thing is.. Some people even have the tenacity to say, wew didn't no it was this bad.. You know what, fuck you... Im done.. I really am... 

Im hurt.. Im sad.. That we can't seem to settle shit in one go... I hate having to remember the same stuff over and over again, the bad stuff i say, its shit... Every word I say is shit when im mad.. And one difference is than all the times I hurt you is this time, i didn't involve people in shit, i keep my life down low, involving other people just questions my trust on how i can tell you shit without you breaking it to other people.. Im supposed to be fucking mental after what happened, you think im gonna trust you to anything after what happened? Well don't talk about telling your secrets to me, cause unlike you, secrets or personal stuff are kept secret with me, cause i don't have the whole world and friends to share to, unlike you. At least i know that i hurt you, but knowing that you'd involve other people on it, now that's different. Im gonna say it, i hate fights, but i sure ain't gonna run my ass away from them, I'll fight. But bringing a gun to a fist fight ain't my style. I have pride. I seriously don't know what to do anymore. Im fucking lost. You think I have "gurl and boyfriends" to talk to like you?. There's a reason they don't fucking exist in my world. You're gonna screenshot all my words and use them against me. Im done with this. Im gonna get my shit done. Im gonna get what I want in life. I really got to stop with all these emotions holding me back, god. Atleast i have a few days ahead of me. You go live your life and spend your days with doing what you want. Get your goals straight, cause im not gonna let mine go. I want my life to be as best as it can. I'm pissed off and still pissed. Goodnight