i'm just teenager grew up in what I would call survival mode . my focus is on getting through the day in one piece, and when i was in that mode at 5, at 10, at 15, there wasn't a lot of space for words like 'community, for words like 'us' and 'we.' There was only space for 'I' and 'me.' In fact, words like 'us' and 'we' not only sounded foreign to me at my 5 and 10 and 15, they sounded like a lie Because if 'us' and 'we' really existed,and if there was really someone out there watching and listening and caring, then I would have been rescued by now but it clearly didn't happen because every day was a test and there were a thousand ways to fail. A thousand ways to betray myself. To not live up to someone else's standard of what was acceptable, of what was normal. And when i failed the test, which was guaranteed, there was a price to pay. Emotional. Psychological. Physical. And I paid that price, more than once, in a variety of ways.