binnie

i can't sleep :<

i'm so sad and overwhelmed i just want to be babied forever

i just dreamt about t5 performing a song, but it doesn't exist yet, although it sounds familiar, and it sounds so good... am i predicting a comeback?

i don't want this to happen, but the chances are unfortunately quite high...
          
          i like someone new, who happens to be liked by someone who had the same crush as me back in freshman, and he's petty asf; even went lengthy measures to sabotage and alienate me in every way possible. now, we like the same person again... things might get shitty again
          
          why do people try to destroy someone's life just bc they had the same crush as the other? so possessive of the things that aren't even guaranteed to be theirs...

It's so saddening that bullies still exist even at adulthood. Fellow college students never seemed to learn from values and ethics. I'm used to being bullied every single second of every day of every week, but it gets tiring. The younger people seems to be much worse. I don't even get treated like I'm a senior to them. Some of them even cross the line and sabotage you. What a world that we live in right now. Everyone is so pure evil. Don't tell me the workplace is the same thing too.

https://youtu.be/69O8PjyJiE4?si=UxZrN9ayGHRyMUXt

god pls just turn me into a very famous and successful musician already i don't wanna do college anymoreeeeeeee

it's a known fact that i've always hated my existence ever since i was young and had almost reached a point of ending everything, but part of me actually wants to live and hope that things would get better; that's when i discovered subliminals
          
          they had given me little impacts as time went by listening to those despite my negative mind that i'm almost dependent on them sometimes, i eventually learned how to make them leading to me making a channel dedicated to subs and a special audio meant just for me, everything felt nice not until recently
          
          idk if i'm crazy but i think people from our campus department had figured out this side of me ever since my suspicion of them spying on me by hacking my devices, i don't even know if i'm really hacked but the way people act around me recently is so shady, idk what my sin is if they actually did; they (including my friends) might be badmouthing me now calling me delusional, feeling main character, fake, stupid, disgusting, wicked, manipulative, etc.
          
          these very personal things are only meant for me: i just wanted to be better, be perfect, be my ideal self, be fixed, be normal, but why this had to happen? it's so similar to the times when our computer shop's customers hacked my google account after finding out i posted dance videos and made that account for trolling leading to me to be hated, all because of their desire to make fun of me; people from then and now are no different, both incredibly disgusting and horrible
          
          is it really that bad to desire good things for yourself? i'm drowning in humiliation; i don't want to put myself out there again

Thanks for the follow! :)
          
          I usually don’t look too closely at the accounts that follow me and simply say thank you, but yours caught my interest. I understand what it feels like to go unnoticed, to wish for the difficult moments in your life to end, to struggle with self-hatred, and to feel miserable every time you wake up. This may not mean much, and you may not need this message, but I want you to know that I see your struggles, I recognize your pain, and I see you. ♡

i became a burden once again
          
          turns out i have a serious heart problem which is apparently deadly; they spent tons for my bills and would undeniably spend tons for my funeral because my time is near.
          
          in this life, i haven't done something that would make my family proud, only disappointment; i'm ashamed of myself