Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. ~ Oscar Wilde

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. ~ Steve Martin

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap. ~ Mitch Hedberg

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. ~ George Carlin

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. ~ Steven Wright

Electricity is really just organized lightning. ~ George Carlin

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. ~ Mitch Hedberg

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. ~ Spike Milligan

I never said most of the things I said. ~ Yogi Berra