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hello world
          
          kinda exhausted with the heat and problems arising in my life.
          it's amazing how my mood changes, like one time i feel super irritated and the next time i can literally forget that. anyways, i am currently feeling the burnout of working in my workplace. the third year is not a charm indeed. 
          
          feels like god test my patience this year and yes i feel the urge to give up. 
          
          even if i stay for another 3 years, can god save me from this team's mess....

in the days of certainty and opportunity, i feel lost.
          
          i feel like walking by myself, alone, and lonely. not sure why this feeling occupying me and my body.
          
          i don't want to do it, but they keep on insisting me.
          
          i just miss the old days.

hello world
          been so long not writing here. lots had happened in life, trying to cope feels like my everyday meal.
          
          anyways, I'm glad that I don't feel the same vibe of "year end's sadness" this year. it's just that many things bother me much that I can't really enjoy my not-so-peaceful year end. 
          
          i kinda miss the old days much these days. hope my future will repay all those good old times. 
          
          HAPPY NEW YEAR & FREE PALESTINE

august
          
          why u gotta be like this?
          
          it's just 2 days but exhaust me so much. I have no idea how to react anymore. is it me that didn't try hard? 
          
          i feel so sorry to myself all the time. 
          
          for blaming every mistakes and being so hard on me. idk. i feel like i could do better but i just have no idea will i suffer by trying so hard or i didn't try that hard. 
          
          it's me vs me everyday. 
          
          i have reach the point to not wanting to feel the obstacles i overcome rn and wishing to have my substitute. this just too much. 

hello new world
          
          literally cause I have finally reached the stage in which I need to adjust with the adultness :')
          
          how's life? 
          
          been hella hectic that I don't even have time aside of overthinking of what would happen next. it's tiring of course and I'm still find my way on not to torture myself lol. 
          
          thankfully I've been enjoying some parts in adulting which is my job. I was hesitant at first on being a teacher cause teaching foreign language is super challenging, aside of that I was only loving the language. my students are truly the joy in this job, not gonna lie. tho they are also the source of my overthingking lmao.
          
          adulting is never easy since the beginning and it's never ending cause it is a process. hopefully I can survive in this storm of madness and stay lovely also healthy as ever.

D-3 until I reach the 24th chapter of my life. 
          
          I'd say I refuse to grow old however life insisted me to do so. They never give us a guide on how to be an adult so I just tried to fit in. 
          
          I'm actually the type that love to plan everything, but it's also my weakness if everything I planned didn't go out as I expected I'd be lazy to plan again. So far, life has been amazingly suprising. I never really knew if the path I take right now suit me best or I am the one that try to fit in the most :(
          
          It's never a fault to try my best tho
          
          probably me just spending too much time watching or reading something that's beyond my reach.
          
          hopefully whichever road I'll take in the future lead me to be the bet version of me. I LOVE YOU ALL CAN'T WAIT TO LOOK BACK IN THE FUTURE AND SAY I MADE IT :')

oh well since when becoming a kpoper went down this bad?!?! 
          
          literally a day and I had to get through such a rollercoaster ride, in which Lay left the company and now Naeun left Apink?!?!!! 
          
          sigh
          
          kpop should put a sign that such thing can cause you heartbreak and feel lost for long. I mean I never sign up for that :((
          
          my favs hshshshshs
          
          I have no idea how to express my thoughts anymore, I feel like wanting to get away from kpop for real. the heartbreak it causes literally consume my emotion so bad that I wish I never knew them. 
          
          it'cruel but it is what it is :(

basically me and my obsession towards 'brothership' theme in this orange app.
          
          it's been awhile since I decided to read only brother-family-angst category and I can't help myself for not looking for the newest one every time I got the chance. my bad lol.
          
          I never really a fan of romance unless there are my fav characters in the story however I also hate sad ending :)
          
          so what am I supposed to do when recently the one that I keep searching for is actually one that has sad ending sigh.
          
          it has reach to the point that I wish the boredom will come by itself so that I can make myself busy without having the urge to search for that one story again and again
          
          hence, angst thingy and ballad song literally have special part in my life. 

have you ever like hate both of you parent so bad but then you realize you are actually a mix of both of them lmao.
          
          damn.
          
          that hits me bad.
          
          I just realize how annoying my parent are that I can't even choose side lol. it's bad but I'n starting to think that my parent's annoying trait might running in my blood *sigh* I probably have seen a warning somewhere that no matter how bad your parent are, they can't represent who you really are :(
          
          another side down of an only child, I have nowhere to talk about this annoyance. cause I only talk about good things about my parent to my friends that I'm scared if I share this side they might judge me real hard.
          
          anyways, my new year's thought literally had to be this.
          
          PLEASE BE KIND 2022.

sigh.
          
          it's literally play m all over again that makes me feel anxious and angry at the same time. I hate how play m did the bare minimun for Apink this year. Pandas have struggle alot and lord knows that even the members find it difficult. at the same time we are waiting for their comeback but then the case happened and they went silent with no defense whatsover.
          
          ohmy, what did I even wrote there. the bare minimum for Apink always happened all the time, the one who handles Apink twt can't even properly run the account and messed it up all the time. only once they made Apink did twice cb in a year, bet this year we won't even have a light regarding the cb as 2022 already in front of the eyes.
          
          my girlies, I feel so sad and tired at the same time. honey could have escaped when they got the chance but instead they choose to stay to protect the group name. at this point, I don't even know which one I hate the most. is it play m as the most indigenous agency ever for Apink or the rest of the members for trusting that trash agency by staying with them.
          
          can they just runaway?
          
          that one twt literally lingers on and on in my mind, saying that Apink be that one group that always reassure their fans and act like that they are not disbanding but the truth is they are disbanding.
          
          sigh.