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the church calls for people when they are driving them out . how do you expect to sheperd the sheep when you are the wolf in disguise? 

i wish you nothing less than overflowing abundance, may your blessings grow lush and plentiful <3

it is so so so weird how some people change from what they were to whole another person — i mean life circumstances, maturity — yeah ok but even then why does it feel like they have become a stranger all over again ?

                         here is a reminder —
          
          
          
          In case your brain is telling you otherwise: you deserve to feel genuinely good. In mind, in body, in spirit. You deserve to speak up, to be loud, to create room at the table and know you are wanted there. You deserve to ask for help and receive it, and to feel supported. You deserve to have others show up for you, as well as show up for yourself. You deserve one heck of a community. You deserve to make a big deal out of things that are a big deal to you. You deserve to give love and feel love and not second guess any of it. You deserve to be here.
          
          
          Brianna Pastor
          

so i have made my mind — i'll be pursuing higher studies & move to an academic position. i dont see myself moving through the busy life of cooperate — i guess this was the path for me from the beginning.

finally finished reading PROJECT HAIL MARY! & i have never felt so blue after having finished reading a book. the book is absolutely gold. its been a long long time since i came across a book that felt like making a friend. god, i will miss reading this book! ( also it starts to make you love physics for some reason LOL ).

well, i just heard ryan gosling sing for the first time today :"> & i have never been so happier

its so mysterious how sometimes dreams end up revealing things to you & thats just one of the many ways God / the universe ( as you would want to believe ) talks to you if not in a physical form. it is happened so many times & i just wonder whether my subconscious mind is holding onto things to come or showing me the reasons for the things that have happened.  ( mind you, my grandma is the same & she tells me whenever i call her on the phone it is mostly the moment she has finished praying for me ). so mysterious yet, so beautiful in its sense that God / universe has made everything so connected.
          

felt to do something poetic so
          here is a prayer for the day —
          
          dear God, 
          i feel   the    world shift &   everything in my
          view,   change.    as  if it were a     breathing
          creature growing   under my legs, wrapping
          it    claws    onto my   chest & gripping    the 
          remaining  bits of  my soul under its    nails.
          but   here, i am,    lifting my   prayers to  you,
          desperately holding onto   the hem of   your
          cloak. the    same way the bleeding woman
          touched & was healed.   heal the world & its
          children, with your grace that flows through
          the mighty rivers  that hide wars &   endless
          pain underneath.
          
          do not turn away but heed to these prayers
          with all grace & power.
          
          

finally decided to sit and watch fleabag! — and i realized how messed up life can get & how it all turns out. at the end, it depends on how you treat all the messes. season 1 made fleabag so unlikeable but then understood underneath all the craziness, there was a person who made a lot of mistakes & lost a lot of things and people. its the rawness of life, told so beautifully and comically thru the eyes of a struggling woman. (& smthing abt breaking the fourth wall during acting makes it all seem... so real and connecting with an audience, like we are all in on her messy life)