jenntrixx

I always say I’m not ready, that I don’t want commitment, I choose to be alone and call it peace, call it contentment. I tell myself I’m happier this way, with no one else to hold, but deep inside I question if it’s truth—or just a story I’ve been told. Do I really love my solitude, or am I waiting where you left me, hoping one day you’ll come back and finally choose me? Am I a man-hater by heart, or do I push them all away, because none of them are you, no matter how hard they try to stay? Maybe I’m not unready—maybe I’m just holding on to you, saving every piece of me in case your words were ever true.
          
          I’m scared to open up again, scared of a love that isn’t you, I hate when they try to lead my life, when I know you never told me what to do. I get irritated when they ask about the things I used to share, maybe it’s because it isn’t you—because you’re no longer there. Damn you, Jay, you hurt me in ways I can’t defend, you left without a proper goodbye, without a clean-cut end. You gave me hope, you said you’d come back, you made me believe in “us” again, but now I hear you’ve found someone new—so tell me, what have I been? Am I replaceable, forgettable, just someone you outgrew? Or was I never really enough—never enough for you?
          
          
          —August 2025

It’s been years since we broke up, and yet I’m still here, yearning for you, holding on to something I thought was true. I’m still here waiting for you, even when I know I shouldn’t, even when I know I’m not supposed to. I know I might sound or look like a fool, but I don’t care, because loving you still feels natural, still feels fair.
          
          Every time there’s a person who comes into my life, I just can’t let them enter my heart or even try, because deep inside, I know my heart already belongs to you. You own it—you always do. Even though we’re not together, even though we’re already through, you still have my mind and heart, and everything I feel somehow leads back to you.
          
          It’s crazy how our love, once a fairy tale I believed was true, turned into something tragic, something I never thought we’d go through. You read Raining in España because you knew it was my favorite, you understood me in ways I didn’t expect. You saw my wounds, my scars, every broken part of me, and you accepted them all so gently. You loved me, you fixed me, you made me feel whole again, like I wasn’t shattered, like I could heal from the pain.
          
          I really thought it would last forever, I thought we would stay together in this lifetime, no matter the weather. You told me we could fix everything, that we would try, that we would fight side by side. But in the end, you were the one who surrendered first, the one who let go, the one who left me in the battle we were supposed to face together—just like that, just like before, and now I’m the only one still fighting this battle.
          
          ... 

just sharing my story.
          
          I saw myself in Juancho Alas Montero when Mirae was in hospital—when she was fighting for her life. That kind of desperation? I’ve felt it.
          
          Dumating ako sa point na I prayed to God na sana ako na lang yung magkasakit. Sana ako na lang yung makaramdam ng lahat ng sakit, ng hirap, ng bigat—just so the person I loved wouldn’t have to go through it. I thought I could handle it, that I was strong enough to endure it all. But the truth is, hindi ko rin talaga kaya. I just chose to carry the pain, because watching him suffer hurt me more than anything else.
          
          The person na sinasabi ko r'yan, he's my ex now. I loved him with all my life. I made a promise to him na he's my last risk, and until now tinutupad ko pa rin. I know in myself that I’ve moved on, but I also know that I can’t love someone again the way I loved him. He was my solace, my safe haven, my answered prayer. 
          
          
          just sharing... 

Hi ♡ I'm an aspiring author here and I've currently finished 25 chapters of my first installment of my first series, Take Your Time My Love (Forbes Series#1). I would appreciate if you could visit my profile (if you have free time) and check out my story to see if it's within your liking. Thank you so much for even reading this message and I hope you have a great life ahead ! ♡