jerry

@one_moree_chapterr  You know the moment I really fell for that man? It was that picture scene when he was talking to Aurora's picture and looking at it like she was actually there with him. That moment hit my love point so hard, it literally broke my heart. I need something like that. I can't even put it into words properly, but just imagine this, him on his knees, holding her waist, burying his face in her belly, tears streaming down his face, full of pain, madness and love. And he's just pouring his heart out, saying every love filled word he's ever felt for Aurora, apologizing for all the stupid sh!t he did, like a complete devoted lover, like a completely lost man in his woman's arms.
            I swear, I'd cry if the author ever wrote something like that for him and Aurora. But I know it's never gonna happen. :)

@one_moree_chapterr Ikr. I even noticed he's actually an evil funny man in the other book, which is lowkey his golden side. But fr, I just want the author to show his beautiful side, like his caring, vulnerable, and lovable side like, written in a beautifully insane way that breaks us while reading. I wanna cry for him and for his love badly and even more insane way. But right now, in those books, he's still not acceptable to me. And if not then I have to force myself to like him, and that wouldn't be genuine love from my side. :( I really want all this for Rafael and Aurora, but I can't even ask the author for it 'cause she said he's meant to be a "maniac psychopath" and described that way.

@jerry3_ to be honest I don't feel like he had a proper character development. There was more scope to show him understanding, caring, loving and vulnerable. I actually felt it rushed at the end. I kinda liked him in his brothers books than in his own book

These thoughts are making me feel so weird, but at the same time, they're so pleasing like Goosebumps all over my body. I just want to stay in my room and imagine him, love him in my mind, and be completely shameless in my thoughts. But then I feel embarrassed. If I ever meet him in real life, how will I even make eye contact with him, knowing I've already thought about all this?
            And if he ever loves me back the way I'm imagining, I think I will just break down and cry in his arms. I will love him until my last breath, the kind of thoughts. It's scary to feel this way, and I don't know if I should say it out loud. If I told anyone in real life, they would probably run away.
            I dont know if somewhere, that man is feeling the same way too. Ahh I'm exhausted mentally right now I feel like I have fever in my body is burning rn. I guess I'm mentally ill. Please don't judge me, I am mentally unstable, even my hormones. It's just so sudden rn. 
            
            

It's overwhelming how deep and intense these feelings are, and it's scary as hell. I imagine myself watching him for the rest of my life in future, just sitting there, admiring him. My heart beats so fast just thinking about it. I don't understand what's happening to me, it's not who I used to be. I've always been independent, but if that man ever asked me to stay with him forever, I feel like I will leave everything willingly and just be with him. I would cook for him, love him madly, please him, and give him all of me. I imagine crying in his arms, and let him cry in my arms, comforting him, holding him, kissing his forehead, cheeks, even his lips, to calm him down. I want to be his safe place, just as I want him to be mine.

When I see a romantic scene in a video or hear a man's voice, it does something to me. A desire arises inside me like...I start imagining scenarios in my head, sometimes even deep, passionate ones with a faceless man, ( not with the real men) my future husband I guess. I don't even know him yet, but I already feel like if I ever meet him, I will love him with everything in me. I will never leave him. I will keep falling for him again and again.

@Ginnyzyn Thank you so much for saying this. I really needed to hear it. Sometimes, I overthink too much and get stuck in my own thoughts, but your words mean a lot. You're right, it's my life, and I should follow my heart. I just hope I find clarity one day. And honestly, I have never seen such a sweet author as you. You're heart is sweet.. and I appreciate you taking the time to reassure me. You're such a sweet person, and it reflects in the way you write in story too. Im really grateful to have come across someone like you.Thank you again for your kindness. ❤️

@snowwoman_  ❤️

@snowwoman_ no one is gonna judge you dear .. and if someone or anyone judges you for trying to be happy by yourself, you shouldn't be worried about it . It's your life and you have all the rights to live it the way you want to ... Always follow your heart and do what makes you happy ... This life is too short to overthink and worry about anything... ❤️