I'm sorry I blacked out, tried to killed you, and almost got uh arrested.

Thanks so much for that update about your super busy life. Nobody has ever gone to work, the gym, and made dinner in one day. How DO you do it?

Didn't your parents ever teach you not to fuck with crazy people?

Do you ever rub your eyes so hard that you just start entering some other fucking dimension of swirls and patterns?

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

You and I are sisters. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up.
After I finish laughing.

I don't mind going to school, but the 8 hour wait to go home is just bullshit.

I need to find a job where I am paid solely on how awesome I am.

Only 3 types of people tell the truth: Kids, drunk people, and anyone who is pissed the fuck off.

Having a dirty mind makes ordinary conversations much more interesting.

Please, please don't be a bitch to me. Because then I have to be a bitch right back and I can do it better than you.

"Life is too short to waste time waiting for other people's approval on how you live it.
-Dr. Steve Marabol

Everyone knows bad girls have more fun.

Shout out to my parents for not wearing a condom and creating the most awesome person alive.

Blood makes you related but... Loyalty makes you family.
-Jax Teller Sons of Anarchy

Airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls. The walls of hospitals have heard more prayers than the walls of churches.

Treat me like a game and I'll show you how it's played.

Once you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you've been doing since you were 14.

NEVER apologize for what you feel. It's like saying sorry for being real.