kim.min.jung.park.jeon.yn

Hey my future self I hope you are doing okay and happy. Life is hard it's 2:55am in the morning and i haven't slept yet. I am overthinking again and crying too a little bit. I just came down from 'chatt'( my comfort place) . I am feeling low. Maybe it's because he don't talk to me like he used to do. Maybe something happened and he don't wanna tell me. Maybe he is losing interest. His sister says he loves me. Maybe he do so. Maybe he doesn't. Maybe it's all my overthinking. But I can't help but overthink. I don't wanna hurt him and I just want him to see happy. Our relationship has completed 4 months 16 days approximately and we only know each other for 6 months. I know it's hard to trust when you have trust issues. Maybe one day he will know that I care and he will cherish me like other guys do so. I feel like he is just doing some kind of favour for me because he is staying in this relationship it's the bare minimum I am asking. I always wanna understand him. I always try to do. Am I being childish . I am so useless can't even do any work properly. I hope my future self reading this is so much happy than I am and I hope my future self has a great future ahead. I just wanna say people come and go. Who wants to stay they will, who wants to go they will let you go. Just like how a butterfly leaves a flower but they surely have a reason to live. I hope you confused mind will bt at peace soon. Now I am feeling sleepy it's nearly 3:20 am i should just sleep. Good night 

I think like I am overthinking too much . My mind is fucked up. I wanted to clear my mind 

I come her to express my inner thoughts because I know Noone will judge me here .I can express myself . And right now I feel so shitty person. And he changed his password too and didn't told m3 about it . Should I be concerned. I trust him so much. And I wouldn't ask for his password again if he is willing to give it to me then it's ok . His sister asked him is he finding someone and if I am not enough he said two people are good than two (ek se bhle do).Even if he said that in funny way., I don't find it funny and after that he send his sister the ss of the chat to send it to me.  She refused.  She is a good person . She don't want me hurt . I don't know what to do. If he told me how would I  react . Right now I am so hurt . Insecurities ar3 hitting me. I am not even beautiful and everyone around me are so beautiful . I don't know what he saw in me , I am just a weird, ugly,fat batch who doesn't even have any talent . I want to be alone. 

I am doing just fine. My boards are gonna start from 16 Feb.  I am mentally and physically fucked up. Me and my boyfriend is just doing fine . Again I am overthinking . I read his chat with his female friend. Recently he attended a function where he wore a three piece suit . She asked him his solo pic . First he resist saying it would be odd because I have a gf but his female friend said it wouldn't because I am your bff and then he send her his pics. I don't know what I am feeling but I don't like it . I don't want to make my relationship toxic or anything.  I want to make it healthy. You know he asked his sister to tell me about it and his sister refused he want to see my reaction his sister is a good person . I feel so insecure because his female friend is so beautiful. I feel so ugly compare to her . She is tall, slim, beautiful, and she has a good figure. She is so gorgeous. She is so talented. She can dance and recently she took part in miss ...... (the name of my city) and she won 2nd place in that . His mother also likes her . She is perfect in everything. I am nothing compared to her . And my bf was her crush in middle school. I can't assume how er nature is and I can't even tell my boyfriend about my insecurities . I don't want to tell anyone about my problems . Now I feel like telling anyone my problem will make me attention seeker. But I swear I just want comfort . 

Yesterday night he act like everything is normal and he is fine but i know he is not . He tell me about his ex , how they had sex , i asked him about condams and i feel so hurt i don't want to admit it but after he said bye it was 11:10 pm and he slept at 11:36 and his last text said remain condam name are ... And i just remember it when I was imagining. I feel so hurt . But i couldn't do anything. I don't know but he is trying to make me jealous or something because I am not jealous i am hurt . I shouldnt have asked. He didn't even came coaching yesterday. He said he was busy but i know he Don't want to see my face . I just fucked up I know but i will try harder to become a better person i will try to hide my feelings so that I don't hurt anyone. Please forgive me everyone. 

I messed up. I hurt him so badly. Now I can't fix it . It's all my fault. I am the bad person. I shouldn't have do that. I feel so disappointed in me for doing that. How could I fix it . I don't have courage. I just want to vanish . Don't want to talk to anyone just feeling like i would annoy then . I talk shit . I just want to be happy make him happy and make everyone around me happy but all i do is hurt them disappoint them . I just can't do anything. Please forgive me. I I'll be a better person i promise. I just hate myself for everything I did . I did so bad . What should I do. I just don't know. Please just I just feel so bad person. I hurt him now I am hurt because I hurt him . I am not enough, never be enough. But i try to change. I just hating myself more and more day by day . I just want to make him happy. I was happy than suddenly I did that . He read the chat . And now i think he is felling out of love with me. Honestly I don't want to lose him but he deserves better. Why I am so sensitive why can't I be strong. I am just learning to be a better version of myself. I don't want to lose him . I am willing to do anything just stay with me. I don't give a fuck what everyone thinks i just know i want you . I just know i want you . But how . I just hate myself. just want to die . I feel so ugly inside or outside. I am ugly i know. But please just stay . I am so hurt right now . I know i deserve it everything he said . I deserve every fucking thing. I don't want to feel like a attention seeker. I am just so ugly he don't want to see me 

I am so happy  I hope 2023 will be much more happier. My boyfriend is now okay . Now we both are happy . He understands me so much and I love him so much 

I don't know what to do it's so mess . My boyfriend missing is ex but don't want to go back to her . And asking me for a break. I love him so much I can't give him a break when he is feeling so low . I just want to be with him. Why don't he understand that