johndoesbiggestsimp

Peace is what id use to describe enlightenment. The way I feel when I write lyrics, stories, feelings, thoughts, anything written in general. It’s what I’d use to describe listening to the hopeless melodies in the songs I could cry myself to sleep to. The leitmotivs that make me feel desperate for something I can never find the words for. Leitmotivs and melodies that fill me with an indescribable amount of hopelessness and anger. Anger that no one will see things the way I do. Anger that people might see things the way I do. The guilt I’d feel if they realized how futile everything is. The songs that make me forget about all the questions that aren’t able to be answered. To be solved.
          	
          	
          	I don’t know what I want and it’s no one else’s fault but mine. It can’t be helped, so I write this lament.

johndoesbiggestsimp

Peace is what id use to describe enlightenment. The way I feel when I write lyrics, stories, feelings, thoughts, anything written in general. It’s what I’d use to describe listening to the hopeless melodies in the songs I could cry myself to sleep to. The leitmotivs that make me feel desperate for something I can never find the words for. Leitmotivs and melodies that fill me with an indescribable amount of hopelessness and anger. Anger that no one will see things the way I do. Anger that people might see things the way I do. The guilt I’d feel if they realized how futile everything is. The songs that make me forget about all the questions that aren’t able to be answered. To be solved.
          
          
          I don’t know what I want and it’s no one else’s fault but mine. It can’t be helped, so I write this lament.

johndoesbiggestsimp

Its hard to express my emotions. The only things I find peace in, is in music. Music and music alone, it’s not that I’ve lost passion for everything else, it’s that nothing makes me feel as whole as I do when I listen to music. 
          
          
          I'm not worried about what other people will think, I'm worried I won't feel any better if I speak up. I worry it'll all be in vain. Yes, things will get better, but it’s not happening at a rate I'm happy with. It's something l've grown accustomed to. If I could restart, I would in an instant. But I'm not brave enough to take that leap. It's not easy, yet I still feel as if I'm being too weak about it. Life will go on either way, with me alive through denial or without.
          
          
          In another universe, she heard the news she would never be whole, she'd never be complete. But in this universe she realized either way, she's going to feel the same thing. Even though she thinks she's complete, and everyone around her thinks she's complete, she'll hold onto the rational thought she'd be dependent on denial. What would happen if she woke up? What's taking so long?

johndoesbiggestsimp

From here on out,
          
          
          So, I guess I’m finally back. So much has happened and I feel like I’ve been healing, my mental health has been improving ever since I’ve gotten back into my old interests. (Unordinary, Yandere Simulator, Voltron WEBTOON, Wattpad and most of all, where it all started: Kamisero.) I feel like I’ll only get better from here. I’ve finally started drawing and journaling again, I’m taking care of my health and still spending time with my dog. Distancing myself from family (A good thing) I’ve also finally found who I am. I’ve finally accepted things that have happened in the past. So now I will move on from it. My passion for literature and art has reawaken. I also just finished my first year of high school, which also taught me a lot of things. 
          
          I’m finally happy.