so much that i have seen and heard and did.  so many times close to death, prison, vietnam, street gangs.  solitary confinement in a maximum security prison...  drug trafficking. almost died - liver disease, Hepatitus C.  grew up in an alcoholic abusive home. abandoned by my mother, sent to live with my grandparents. (my Grandfather hated me),.  abused me....  

what was the effect of all of the abuse and rejection?  on my soul?  on my psyche?  on my spirit?  
STRENGTH!  thats what!  strength. I am stronger then most.  going to hell when you are still on earth is a powerful character builder.  trust me.  i LEARNED. HOW TO SURVIVE.

 i caught a bank robber.  he was trying to go over a 10 foot chain link fence; i jumped, and grabbed him by the ankles, and threw him to the ground until the cops came. WHO DOES THAT?  NOBODY!  that is beyond good samaritan.  its way past FEAR.  

i live in the desert.  i live with dogs, not humans.  dogs are dependable.  they are not abusive and disappointing.  they are predictable.  they don't abuse me..  they love me unconditioinally. i always wanted that......  i never had that.  now i have that. 

i joined this website to write a book about my fucked up life. after, all, i am AT PEACE now. the biggest surprise of it all?? I AM ALIVE........