jordan303

Happy birthday, buddy. I'm two days late, I couldn't get into my account for a while. I still miss you so fucking much. I always will. I think about you all the time. I wish you were here. I can't express in words how much I miss you and how wrong it is that you aren't here. I can't believe it's been 6 years

I miss you so much. I blame myself so much, I know if you were here, you’d tell me there’s no reason to blame myself and you’d forgive me for leaving. I’m so sorry Ryan, I’m so sorry Jordan. I’m sorry to all of you. I was a kid barely surviving and I didn’t know how to save you while I was drowning, but I miss you so much and I love you. I’ve always loved you, and I always will. I kept my promise, I’ve gotten better. I graduated culinary school, I’m a pastry chef, and have a job as a cake decorator. You’d be so proud. August is just around the corner and it’s just a reminder that 6 years ago, I lost you. I carry you in my heart every day and I hope you know that I sincerely loved you. I wanted to marry you, I came back for you and you weren’t around. I hope you’ve found peace and I know I’ll see you again when my time comes… until then watch over me. 
          I love you Ry. 

I'm missing you again. You should be here, all of you. I didn't understand what you were going through but now I do, now that I know I have DID myself. I miss you so so so much. I graduated last month with my degree. I didn't think I was going to live long enough to graduate but you always believed in me. 
          
          Now I just wish you were here to see me. I miss you and I'm sorry.

I still hope, in the back of my mind, that you faked your death and you're still out there somewhere. 
          
          
          God, I miss you. I should've been better. 
          I'm so sorry.

Baby boy, I failed you, I let you down. I should’ve been there for you, I hope wherever you are, you can forgive me. I love you, I loved in my own way, I was really young and I didn’t know how to love but I love you, I hope you hear me. I don’t go a day without thinking about you, I can’t sleep, I miss you. I wish you could come back, I want a do over, I want to love you the way you should be loved. I miss you Ryan, you will always be my first love baby boy ❤️

I'm so sorry. 

I miss you. I should have done something. I'm sorry. I hope you're at peace wherever you are. Thanks for everything you helped me through. 

I miss you...so much. You were one of the few people who listened. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you

Happy birthday, old friend.

I'm not sure if you're gonna see this message or not but please hang in there and try to get better. Things get better, and I know because I hit rock bottom. But things will improve and you need to be alive to see it. 
          
          
          
          
          Thanks for talking some sense into me a few months ago. If you hadn't, I probably wouldn't be alive right now.