josefsmother

I think I found a really good friend group. One that truly fits the hole that old one created. It happened sooo random. It‘s just a friend of mine I knew through my sports club her roommates and their friends and our mutual friends at said sports club. We meet every sunday at hers, she cooks and bakes for us, we play board games and just die of laughter every week. This has been going on for like 8 months! Usually I see the girls in the week for practice and then sundays for our match and after the we go home to shower and then meet for our play date. She is sooo funny we have the exact same humor. I can‘t even take practice serious anymore. She looks at me and I‘m done. I‘v never met such a cool person. And she is so sweet for always inviting us and just bringing us so much closer. I think younger me would think I‘m living in a friends episode

I‘m kinda glad I‘m not in that old friend group anymore even though I really loved them (and still do) not being friends with them anymore allowed me sooo much character development. At core I think I‘m still the same person but I‘ve become sooo much more confident something I really lacked in the past. Remember me saying that I don‘t know how to make friends? After that I was forced to do so and now I connect with people easily. That new friend group we formed was really nice but I think it was to late. We are now all in Uni but we still see each other every other month. But to be honest I still have not found any friends that even compare to the ones I had.  I always thought I would make friends in Uni but that did not really work out. Well let‘s see what the future brings.

Well I must say i had a blast this summer. We still did not reacg that point of closeness as in my old friendgroup but i think we are to big to do that. But that does not matter anymore, everyone in uni now and we barely see eachother. At least i had the best summer with them. We made bicycle trips, played lasertag or badminton, everyone celebrated their 18th birthday and so much more.

My new friend group got a little bigger and we even went on vac together. We‘re not nearly as close as i was with the old one but maybe one day we‘ll reach that point. That one friend that talked to me from while to while is still doing the same thing. The only difference is now that i am able to interact with her how i used to without feeling weird or grieving about our past. Due to the fact that in a few months we‘re all going seperate paths im a little worried that we‘ll lose contact but at least i‘m not as worried as i used to be. The other friend still won‘t talk to me. It‘s been 6 months… But i‘m happy that i can rely on my childhood friends. Even if we‘re not seeing each other as much as we used to we try to meet always in the holidays. I feel like im back in Kindergarten when im with them and thats fucking 13 years ago!

Well nothing changed we still dont talk but at least i dont have that weird feeling while talking to them. I tried to change my seats in class so that i dont have to sit anywhere near them and now idec. While one of them still ignores me the other one tries to talk to me from while to while and i feel bad for reacting so dully at her little jokes but she did the same to me and if im allowing myself to go back to normal with her itll only hurt me more. And at least i found some new friends who are friends with some of my old friends so we are again a rather big group but were not even nearly as close as my old friend group and i doubt that ill ever have such close friendships

Funny how i named this acc… those friends dont even talk to me anyomore so nothing to hide from them. Honestly ik every friend group comes to an end its no secret but somehow i hoped we were different. We literally texted daily in that damn group for almost 2 YEARS. I depended on them sm and now theyre just gone. Well theyre not gone yk but we see eachother with some i talk more with some less. Just hurts seeing them with their new friends. Im really bad at making new friends. I never had to bc friends from kindergarten, primary, etc were always with me. I did the same in highschool i thought my friends from middle school are enough and i dont need any other but now that theyre gone i really struggle even having someone to talk at break. Im just scared that ill never find such good friends again they were my safespace i had with single member of that group a different form of friendship. While one was based on making fun of everyone the other based on drowning in nostalgia while talking for over 7 HOURS on the phone (ofc in lockdown). They know so much about me and its weird not having them around all the time. I know that we never fought so theoretically i could just go over and talk to them how i used to but i get that feeling in my stomach while facing them it urges me to go away from them. My fucking body aches bc it feels wrong that things arent how they used to be. Well now im a senior and im kinda happy that soon i dont have to deal with that anymore but it hurts just cutting those friendships that lastet for more than 6 years (with one of them i even started being friends since first grade) im just scared that im making a mistake by cutting them out of my life but i cant take it anymore 
          Just had to get that out i dont know to who else so lets do it to the whole world

Excited for friday kuwk s6 and this acc will be 1 yo