I been lost since everything that's been going on in the world I don't know what is going on with me. I know I have problems and I can get lost in my own mind but I can't take it anymore. I cry myself to sleep every night, I lost faith in alot of stuff. I want to get better and I try to pretend that I'm ok but I'm not. I should be because I know something is messing me up. I preyed about it but it seems like I'm getting worse. I see that it's bigger and real thing's happening to people but I don't want to be like this. I thank God everyday for the thing's he have blessed me with but I'm still sad,depressed, angry and just out of it. I shouldn't cry myself to sleep every night but I do I think about if this is the end and I have nothing to show for that I had a cool life. I know I should be thankful that I am a live but I see that other people that treat others horrible and nasty has it 10 time's better than what I ever had. I grew up dirt poor that I lived in the dark no lights and ate hotdogs and been every night for dinner. I got picked on at school everyday by bullies about how ugly and fat I was. And my out look was being over sexual. I hated myself so much that I turned my hate into myself being a bully. I hate others to make myself feel better. But I was and still sad. I'm sorry for the people I hurt I prey every night that I can go back and redo everything. I wish they could see me now I'm a depressed, sick, lonely person. My life is horrible but I guess I deserve it. Sometimes I feel like he's looking down angry at me and want me to feel the pain I put on others.
