June

Back again! im 20 now. 
          
          i haven't been on Wattpad properly in years, i dont write anymore either. The post below this one is from my 17 year old self who was feeling particularly existential. I think she would lose her mind if she knew how much more change she would have to deal with next life.
          
          writing all this feels a bit corny now, but i thought i should keep this up as a tradition. i also dont feel existential about not recognising 15 year old me and 17 year old me anymore. i have changed for the better. 
          
          i love my life now a lot, and i have reverted back to my young teen self a bit as well. it just looks a bit different now, but i still have a lot of fun on the internet reading, looking at fanart, looking at regular art, fandoms, and media. It's all great.
          
          i also have a lot of fun in real life too!! i made some amazing friends and kept the old ones and let some people go. im meeting a lot of new people these days and doing a lot of things outside of my comfort zone. there are a few things i wish i could change about myself, and i hope to do so one day.
          
          there were alot of bad times between 17 and now, and im sure there will be more bad times in the future, but for now its summer even in the cold, sad days dont last more than a few hours, my friends are close even those who are far and my home is peaceful. 
          
          again, this feels a corny. i hope no one reads this, but im gonna press the "announce this to my followers" button anyway bc i think my bsf would like this notification, lol. 
          
          goodbye, see u when i see u next xx 

Logged into this wattpad account after a very long time (again) and i dont really have any friends on here anymore, note the aforementioned "very long time", and neither do i read on wattpad in general these days which made seeing the "15" on my bio extremely bittersweet. Im 17 now and so dissociated from who i was when i was 15 so thanks for the existential crisis wattpad. Cheers. 
          
          I have some books on here in the drafts and I've been contemplating whether or not if i should revamp them and drag them out of their graves for a change. But its been so long i don't even remember the plots. 
          
          20, 000 words just lingering on the internet like some forgotten ghost and you know what maybe this wordplay has some gravity to it because my love for writing, or the lack thereof perhaps, has been haunting me for the past few months. I've been dying to write something good. 

I miss being on wattpad and it being a safe place. My first acc i had was the one thing that helped me thru alot of rough times. But it was kinda outed by my dad - W GOOD INTENTIONS - and i could no longer use that acc anymore bc it felt breached. I opened several other accs, this one included but honestly nth matches the comfort of that old acc. Ik this sounds like a silly rant but i can't explain in words the utter security and confidence i felt on that acc where i spend so much of my time reading, commenting my opinions loud and proud, writing whatever the hell came to mind - i published my first poetry book there too lol :( i miss that. No matter how hard i try i don't think i can ever get that back cuz i don't use wattpad that often anymore and don't interact enough to actually get the feeling back. Anyways wattpad, You've helped alot. Ill probably still be on this app for a while cuz i write books on my other acc and i do still follow the updates of a few books. I never really made friends on wattpad but i got to talk to lots of interesting people in various comments of various books and I learnt a great deal about myself and people too. I learnt how to look at things from several perspectives, how to understand complexities in people, i got over my ignorance, i got over my fears, i accepted myself as i am and this community helped my normalize my differences, i learnt so so much that i can't put into sentences. No one will probably read this but i wanted to put this out there - this community gave me so much. I found a friend here even without having to make one; because you were there for me. 

ITS THE J THE I THE M THE M THE Y THE J THEY I ITS JIMMMYYYYYY ITS JIMMYYYYYY

Hope you update oscar wilde soon:) i hope i spelled his last name right lol

I HAVE BUTTERLIES IN MY TUMMY.

THE PHEONIX UPDATE MADE ME S A D

Why'd the tree go to the party?
          They had root beer. 
          Thank you c:

THERES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO READ ON FREAKING WATTPAD

"can't talk rn im doing hot girl shit"
          said hot girl shit : watching people get almost killed :)