just_queen_ather

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Hey everyone. Shit Mel's mad at me. Great, I fucked up our friendship. Genuinely I'm sorry to the people who gave up on me and considered me a fricking attention-seeking brat, because I'm really not. My friends found out after they noticed my scars and helped me out. I'm grateful for that. In the end, I couldn't bear to leave this brutal but beautiful world, this complex, messy but still lovable society. Because some things are worth fighting for. Even if you all don't know this, I read every single message left on my feed. <33 I love all of you and I just haven't had the time to properly thank everybody. Amapinect, I am overjoyed that you're back, I missed you so so much, you have no idea!! Seriously, every single one of you are the best. But shitshitshit, Mel I bet you ten drachamas that you hate me and IDK what I can do...

Betrayed. That's all I can think about. How I trusted her, trusted her "loyalty". Dam it. Why do I always trust and end up regretting it? Well look at that. She betrayed me. That's all I can think about.

Ather…
          
          You did this for everyone, I wanna do this for you too, but I really suck at this, sorry I can’t honour this properly.
          
          I’ve been friends with an overwhelming amount of people, and some of them were mean, toxic or it was me who was being the problem. With you it was different, in the most perfect way possible.
          
          We had similar likes, similar experiences and similar tastes in books. But you deserved better than anybody, you didn’t deserve assholes in your precious life that was quite literally bright enough to shine light on so many people.
          
          Like you’ve said to me so many times, you’re my bestie and my pookie, and most importantly you’re a queen. 
          
          Life treated you like you were shit, when you deserved to be treated like the queen you will always be.
          
          I hope you know that me leaving was NOT your fault.
          
          I’m sorry, so fucking dam sorry I worsened your sadness 
          
          That is my fault.
          
          And so is half of your problems.
          
          I’m so sorry, that I’m not a smart enough human to know that you were hurting.
          
          I hope you can read this, like I’ve said multiple times, I care and so do many others.
          
          If you can’t, that’s okay, life pushes us
          
          But fuck I miss you
          
          You were the friend I dreamed of when I was younger.
          
          Except you aren’t imaginary, you were so real, and so otherworldly beautiful
          
          I hope, I really really hope you’re okay, or at the least alive
          
          I’d gladly trade places, or walk through the depths of hell for you
          
          I really hope, if you are truly… then you’re back home. Back where angels go, heaven
          
          I’m sorry that you had to suffer so much 
          
          I hope you’re at peace, finally
          
          Ather, I love you as much as Nico loved Bianca, as much as the moon loved the sun, as much as flowers loved spring 
          
          Thank you for making me love life again.
          
          -Amapinect
          
          P.S. I did decently, right? I’m sorry, crying doesn’t solve anything

Ather? Are you okay? I know you aren’t rn. 
          
          You’ve got so much left in life, think about everything younger you used to dream of, everything you dream of. And yes, when I’m feeling particularly suicidal my hopes and dreams are death, but beyond that. 
          
          Even stuff like ‘making unicorns real!’ or ‘making everyone happy!’ It can all happen, but I really hope you’re safe.
          
          Just keeping hoping, keep resisting, and keep pointing the rude finger at fucking idiot bitches that don’t deserve your amazingness

I hope you stay safe, Ather. And I'm glad you're trying and not completely giving up. That's all that matters ❤️❤️

I’m so fucking sorry.
          I missed the message; and I didn’t see it until it was too late.
          You can consider us friends now, if you want

i'm just so frickin ack tired i cant even frickin smile

Hey people. I'm still su!c!d!cal unfortunately. I learnt yesterday that I cannot trust either of my parents. Never. I will have to last long enough, until I can flee, far far away from them. My friendship life is ofc messy, and IDK anymore. Seriously. Thank you for everyone's support, and I'll try. Genuinely I will try. I'll do it for you guys, thank you to all of you. <33 I love every single one of you, and I'm sorry but it could happen any day. I'm desperately trying to live, but I don't have that same hope anymore. The world crushed that. And I don't know what to do about it now. But I'm hoping things will change. I learnt my lesson. I have no one to live for now, except you guys...

HOLY FUCK DONT DO THAT AGAIN