.

Going through this mb is painful.
          It feels like I am living those moments again and again............
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          This mb is the perfect thing to punish me.

Lately, I've been in the backseat to my whole life
          Trying to take control
          But I don't know how to

It's been 3 months today and I still can't get the sight of your dead body out of my mind
          
          the day before yesterday I broke down while dusting off your photo, I thought no one will come to the room
          
          But mom saw me and she broke down too
          
          Yesterday I talked to Adi, he is missing you too
          
          Uncle is planning to send him school from next year
          
          Yk? I always thought you will be the one who will take him school in his first day
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          Your voice still rings in my ear
          Idk what to do
          I wanna go to you
          I miss you so much
          
          I am not good
          I am not fine 
          Idk what it is but it's a lot to take
          
          And now this pressure of exam
          I can't concentrate on anything
          
          
          
          
          
          Yk? I know what wish I am gonna make in my bday
          I wanna die first
          I know it's so selfish to ask for it but I can't take that anymore
          This death of others now scares me the most
          I went numb by the thought of it now

I did it again......
          Why should I live? 

What's wrong with me?
          Can anyone tell me?

It's impossible to get you off my mind
          I think about a hundred thoughts and you are ninety-nine
          One day maybe she will stay......
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          ....like before.
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          (Waiting for the day when everyone will be happy from their heart....)

There's a time that I remember
          When I did not know no pain 
          When I believed in forever
          Everything would stay the same
          
          Now my heart feel like December
          When somebody say your name
          Cause I can't reach out to call you
          But I know I will one day
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          I miss you so much....
          but I know you are in a better place now
          Stay happy wherever you are
          Love you ❤️❤️❤️

OH MY GOD
          I HATE MYSELF

Kotobaro bhebechinu apona bhulia 
          Tomaro chorone dibo hridoyo khulia
          
          Chorone dhoriya tobo kohibo prokashi 
          Gopone tomare shokha koto bhalobashi
          Bhebechinu kotha tumi shorgero debota
          Kemone tomare kobo pronoyero kotha
          
          Bhebechinu mone mone dure dure thaki 
          Chirojonmo shongopone pujibo akaki
          Keho janibe nah mor pronoyero kotha
          Keho dekhibe nah mor osrubarichor
          
          Aponi ajike jobe shudhaiecho ashi
          Kemone prokashi kobo koto bhalobashi

Thought I found a way
          Thought I found a way, yeah
          But you never go away
          So I guess I gotta stay now
          
          Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here
          Even if it takes all night or a hundred years
          Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near
          Wanna be alive, outside I can't fight my fear