ka1luvsu0
All of these are so corny… I was going through a lot back then so I can see why I spammed a lot but GOD DAMN KAI! YOU DIDNT HAVE TO DO ALL THIS?!?!
This is so embarrassing to read through now honestly… I’m ashamed of myself, and I do see that I definitely matured with different stuff like interests and other things as well, but I still consider myself childish.. it’s what makes me.. me…
Like I am currently 14 and yet I think of myself as a 12 year old boy who finds everything funny and doesn’t take stuff seriously you know… but that’s okay.. because it’s how I describe myself basically
The reason why I am writing this long thing is because I have changed a tiny bit, but I don’t consider myself ‘better’ or ‘successful’ in life, because I get to choose when I feel like that, because how are you supposed to know? I could even be saying that the very next day… it’s because we aren’t ready, I’m not ready for this yet, everything is going too fast and we to take a breather from stuff.. slow down… going fast is going to make these even worse then before.. trust me c:
And for future kai reading this, tell me how lifes been going… ( 2023 )
ka1luvsu0
March 28th and it is currenly 9:12PM and it's a thursday evening and I just finished a really relaxing and shower as I feel so much more clean and have a lot more energy in the mood to do stuff I have never done at all yet which intrigues me a lot, considering I am lazy at most times. Yesterday I spent the whole day working on uncompleted tasks I had from my classes and soon had the time in the evening to time to myself which was rather boring actually.
I'm offically a senior now !! And it's actually been very fun for me ( currently ) since it's definitely a new refreshing change instead of me just sticking to the same regimen every single week which can get pretty boring so fast, now I was able to choose all of my classes and even my electives which is good, I was a bit disappointed that they weren't running music this year since it's an eccerlated subject but I still have next year to do it as well so I just stuck to languages, P.E, and media that are fun to do.
I've gotten closer to many people as well !! It's so much fun being able to find people that I relate to so much with similar niches or interests that I like as well as it makes me feel comfortable and not 'left out' most of the times because I always had that feeling I was being too weird or just wasn't close to them at all which made have all sorts of many negative thoughts that I don't like at all. But my senior year has definitely been good for me and that is all I really care about.
And I can't really think of anything else I really want to talk about at the moment, except for how I finally was able to convience my friend to FINALLY get into ccs as it took her FOREVER and I am currently back into my ccs fixtation ( once again ) it's not like I am mad I just like going back to my old interests and fixations that really make me all so yippie yay yay whenever I have the chance to talk about it !!
And this is now for future kai that is reading this, tell me how lifes been...
( 2024 )
ka1luvsu0
September 17th and it is currently 5:30AM It is a sunday night and I can't sleep at the moment haha I am currently listening to famous by the internet as I have made a new obsession (once more) to tsukasa tenma in pjsekai haha
Just went on a trip to sydney a couple of days ago and it was pretty good, I enjoyed the places that I went to and I also liked the stuff that I did there as I was able to be with my friends and yet also have fun with others. It was my first time being on a plane and it was actually quite nice, I am still scared being in one though haha
I am still my childish self as I actually grown to start appericating myself a lot more in different levels, I used to dislike everything that I would did and even call it cringe as it was basically me trying to fit in different sterotypes that did not fit me at all just so people could give me a small bit of attention or even like me.
I am currently still bigender (masc) that goes by they/them or he/him or I mostly prefer my name now, I definitely still feel comfortable with they/them pronouns so I would like to be referred like that as well as just calling me 'kai' as well, I don't mind if you vary between the two it is completely fine by me.
Life is still rocky for me as I don't perhaps feel 'happy' or 'sad' I just feel like I have done enough to sastify myself in a way that I don't realmy feel down or depressed, I recently found out that I could actually be autistic that I personally don't disclose to open arms since it is not confirmed (yet!!) I have noticed that I struggled very difficulty with social cues and have trouble trying to understand people's feelings a lot in a way that I just do everything so they are happy and continue. I am still trying to find myself in many different ways and I will definitely update that in the future !!
Future kai reading this, tell me how lifes been going...
(2023)