KandyKane

Am I addicted to the misery? Is this how I'll always be?
          Grinding the salt into every wound
          Am I in love with all my ailments, glutton for punishment?
          You can't trust me to be there for you
          I've got this cold black silhouette hanging like a marionette
          Casting a shadow, a shade over me
          Just a sick, sad, sorry mess, living like a masochist
          Your worst impressions were right about me

I could ask you to stay, if you're feeling forgiving
          I could live with the guilt, if you call this living
          I could try to memorise each grain of sand
          As it slips through my fingers, and falls from my hands
          It took me longer than I'd care to admit
          This life is only what I choose to make of it
          And the only thing standing in-between happiness and myself
          Was this depression I held so close to my chest

I should like being alone
          'Cause if I love you, I'm letting you go
          No, I'll never get sick of the fall
          So addicted to losing it all

I'm just letting you know I'm emotionally unavailable
          I'd love to reciprocate your love but I'm incapable
          I know that you don't get it, but I'm just so unstable
          And all I could think about is how you'd be unfaithful
          You think that I am crazy
          But that, that does not phase me
          And no, you cannot change me
          Just know you cannot save me
          You say you love me so much but I don't want your love
          You say you love me so much but I don't want your love
          No, no

          I've been holding my breath
          I've been counting to ten
          Over something you said
          I've been holding back tears
          While you're throwing back beers
          I'm alone in bed
          
          You know I, I'm afraid of change
          Guess that's why we stay the same
          
          So tell me to leave, I'll pack my bags, get on the road
          Find someone that loves you better than I do, darling, I know
          'Cause you remind me every day, I'm not enough, but I still stay
          
          Feels like a lifetime
          Just tryna get by
          While we're dying inside
          I've done a lot of things wrong
          Loving you being one
          But I can't move on
          
          You know I, I'm afraid of change
          Guess that's why we stay the same
          
          

Driving 14 hours really suck 

Let them misunderstand you.
          Let them gossip about you.
          Their opinions aren’t your problem.
          You stay kind, committed to love,
          and free in your authenticity.
          No matter what they do or say,
          don’t you dare doubt your worth
          or the beauty of your truth.
          Just keep on shining like you do.

I want someone to not just want me but need me. I want to be on that person's mind and have them be happy with me. I don't want no more fake relationships I want to make something last. 

Loving you was like going to war,
          I never came back the same.....

My attitude sucks, but my love hits differently.