Karly

Preciate that

Six months ago I had never lost anyone close to me. Today I've lost two. Rest easy to my first love, Justin. 12-9-94 to 4-25-17 and rest easy my best friends first love Austin. 1-27-99 to 10-5-17. See y'all again one day. Much love. ❤️

I love to love, but everytime I begin to even feel something, it reminds me of what I had with you, and I no longer want it anymore 

"One year later I'm still like the fourteen year old, hopeless, bosses daughter who's in love with the rebel child, twenty one year old, yard hand. Except now I'm fifteen, level headed, and you're buried six feet under a patch of grass on the edge of town."

Three questions I was asked. 
          
          1. What was it like to love him? • It was like being brought to life for the first time in a life of fourteen years. And even still, to this day, I haven't felt that feeling again. 
          
          2. What was it like to be loved in return? • It was like being brought to the brightness from a perpetual darkness. It was like being heard finally, after a long silence. 
          
          3. What was it like to lose him? • It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me- all at once. 

I'll never forget you
          You will always be by my side
          From the day that I met you
          I knew that I would love you til the day I die
          And I won't ever want much more
          Cause in my heart I will always be sure 
          I will never forget you
          You will always be by side
          Til the day I die

Oh, baby why'd you leave me
          Why'd you have to go
          I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
          I can't even breathe
          It's like I'm looking from a distance, standing in the background,
          Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
          This can't be happening to me
          This is just a dream 

It's almost been a month. It'll be five weeks tomorrow, and a month in three days. It doesn't get easier. It never will, I'm afraid. When you meet someone, and you fall in love with them-- You have this special connection. It doesn't matter if that's the one you're going to spend the rest of your life with, or if they are just your first love. You will have this bond, you will have this connection, and it cannot be replaced. I went through hell with Justin. He seen me at my best and worst, in the amount of ten months that I knew him. I could talk to him, and tell him everything. He was my best friend. He was my first love, my boyfriend at one point, the man who made me more into a woman-- Never take one day for granted. Never think that you have forever, or a long amount of time with the ones you love. Don't even think you will wake up the next day, because you never know. You never know when your best friend can be taken from you in an instant of five seconds. He hit a car head on, and there was absolutely nothing I can do about it. But I miss him. I miss him, and I don't feel the same. I've dreamt about him constantly, and I think about him constantly. He's my guardian angel, and when I think of him, I feel like I'm with him. I have that feeling I had when he held me, or he kissed me. And I feel at home again. ❤️

My hearts just never been so broke. I can still remember staring at your face, and studying every flaw, thinking about how much I loved every single one of them. You were so great. Everything about you. You made the world a better place, and everyone you met was better because they knew you. This whole separation for the rest of my life thing, is killing me. If I could have chosen anyone in the world to spend eternity with, it still would have been you. And I would have chosen you over and over. Some people know what it's like to lose their best friend, and some know what it's like to lose their first love. But now I know both. 

Driving down the road and I can feel you sitting beside me in the passenger seat, baby. I looked over and I seen that hat on crooked, and that mischevious grin, and it brought back so many memories. Heavens pretty far away, but your memory isn't. You're still here, and I can still feel you. When I'm upset, you're beside me, and you're holding me. I still remember the taste and feel of your lips, and that keeps me happy when I'm upset. Sometimes, I'll sit back and remember your laugh and the way you would say things, and it brings a smile to my face, and tugs at my heart strings. Your soul may be gone, but as long as I'm on earth, you will always be here. Because your life was so invested into mine, that's something you can't just forget. You are something, I will not just forget.