ᴋᴀꜱᴇʏ !

so I'm taking things off my chest, please don't mind. 
          (TW: A bit of SA involved) 
                    
          I was heading to the metro to get home, and I saw these boys. (they were from another school, did not know who tf they are) and they just looked at me and was laughing, like wtf? I heard one of them call my pretty girl with that voice I hated. I felt really uncomfortable as I didn't know them, plus it was weird. I walked the other way back to the metro so I wouldn't have to see those boys again and hoped they didn't stare at me.
          again, I just really needed to get it off because it just made me really uncomfortable but I don't have the heart to tell my parents because they would just call it off. so now I will be listening to a song with SA themes so I will feel better

KASEYYYYYYYYY

WHY AM I POSTING SO MANY VENTS WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME

slight theme change to my fav underrated artist, lydia the bard!
          HER DEBUT ALBUM IS COMING OUT SO IM GOING TO KEEP THIS THEME FOR A WHILE
          
          (for the matching katseye theme girles, i will change back if needed do not worry lovelies)

(TW: a vent, really sorry to put my weight on everyone who reads this, if you're uncomfortable with this, go, you don't have to read this)
          
          i wish i wasn't the girl that walks behind on the sidewalk.
          i wish i didn't try to sprint back home even when i want to, when they wait for friends to leave school at the same time.
          even then, our interests are all different: they like pe, i like biology; they like kpop and artists from our own country, i like pop and what i listen to; they hate english, 'it's not our home language', yet i love it and speak in more fluently than anyone; they hate reading, it's a chore for them, i love it with my heart; they all feel comfortable with others even when they barely talk, i pour my heart out yet they shake it off like its nothing.
          as much as i don't mind having a friend who is polar opposite to me, i wish to find someone with similar interests. so i can talk freely about what i like, and have them respond with how they feel about it, so i don't have to switch to chinese and things about school just to talk with them, so i don't have to overthink what i have to say to them. i just want to feel comfortable, but i can't. i never can. 
          i know i can never be cool, but why does everyone know who i am? my name, how good i am at english, all of that; but when they ignore me, it just makes it worse. you know my name, you know who i am so why won't you try and strike a chat with me?
          
          even then, i can't even make a best friend. i miss the one best friend i made as a child, the similar interests we shared, how we both speak english and talk freely about our opinions on things. i know i should let her go, but the fact we met in summer holiday just makes it worse. i wish i could let her go sometimes.

can't believe this happened but I thought it was a bit funny soo um
          so after school, I had to walk to the metro, and these boys (from another school, my school was close to another school) were walking so slow for some reason pissed me off so much
          so I walked by and they suddenly walked fast and I got surprised so I straight up tripped onto the rocky road (it wasn't paved at all) but I was so angry I just stood up immediately and walked back
          
          I had to go with my mom to the dentist and asked what happened
          turns out it scratched so deep it was bleeding so much
          so turns out if I'm too angry all the pain just completely numbs out
          (I'm fine now but it hasn't healed completely and will for sure leave a scar)

so um
          I forgot that I have a PJO trauma rant stuck deep in my Google docs
          help I forgot I made one

unpublishing all of my books because I found them on teenfic and I'm a bit scared
          also why are they on there
          
          seen a lot of people talk about it and I decided to do something
          can't do much but
          a lot of people's works are stolen and I'm certainly not happy
          please don't mind
          
          bye loveliess <3

y'all uh... go apply to this applyfic by @heatherconellrose !!
          I may be lazy but I'm doing it
          now go
          why are you still here
           I said go
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/401585035-%F0%9D%90%93%F0%9D%90%87%F0%9D%90%84-%F0%9D%90%84%F0%9D%90%97%F0%9D%90%88%F0%9D%90%93-applyfic

a bit tired these days cause I keep sleeping late, I'm sorry if I don't reply much just at low motivation and social battery these days, but I'm doing okay so no worries, and I have tests tomorrow, music, Chinese history and math, so now I really need to sleep so uh even if you ain't in my timezone, good night my lovelies :)