kcdpena

          Six is Roku update:
          Currently struggling with Six is Roku. Not excited about having to go back to it every day, to be honest. But I’m not quitting it just yet. I think as long as I keep confronting that blank Notion page I will somehow hit a breakthrough. I just have to keep showing up. Right?
          
          Sure.
          
          Weekend short story update:
          I wrote my second short story last weekend, and though it feels really rough, I actually kind of like that it. I’m sure readers will find that it doesn’t make sense, and that’s what I like about it. 
          Oh, and the short story I wrote a few weeks ago that kickstarted this weekend project will be published in an anthology next year. I still cannot believe it because I, of course, suffer from imposter syndrome. But then I saw the lineup of the anthology and it occurred to me that the editor could’ve rejected my story if it weren’t actually good, right? I mean, my name did not add any value to the lineup. So that should mean something, right? Do I dare believe that the story was actually good?
          
          Okay, I should just stop trying to turn this over and over in my head. See, I’m not used to things working out for me in the writing department, so this is all new to me. I should really just learn to turn off my brain and be thankful.

Hello!
          The past few months have been quite busy: revised my first completed novel, finished my second one (though I don’t think I will be posting it here until I get to rethink the middle part), and started the third one. I also wrote a short story last Saturday. It’s the first one I’ve completed in years, and I just wrote it to submit to an anthology that I learned about a week ago. I am, of course, not 100% satisfied with it. But I am glad to have finished a self-contained short story after so long. 
          
          So now, one of my goals is to write and finish a single short story every weekend. This on top of continuing to write my third novel on weekdays. Sounds good, right?
          
          My first post on here admittedly sounded really grim and full of despair, not gonna lie. The same things still bother me on a daily basis, but these days I’m just better equipped to handle them without letting them get me too down. Oftentime it really is just a matter of perspective (and ingesting B-12 on a daily basis works, too).
          
          

Hello!
          It’s 2am on a Saturday and I’m still awake. It’s been such a bad week and yet why I am prolonging it?  Anyway, I just thought I’d post on here because, why not? I like screaming out into the void as much as the next person. 
          
          For anyone who’s wondering, The Spinster is technically finished (at least the first draft). I’m just spacing out the posting because I didn’t want to just dump everything like I did with All The Lonely People. Not sure if it matters but it might. There are no rules to this thing (or maybe there are and the reason I don’t get a lot of reads is because I don’t follow them or even think about knowing what they are).
          
          Six is Roku, just like the previous two, is quite rough, though for this one I have more or less a beginning, middle, and end. Wait, I have an actual sequence outline for it (I originally conceptualized it as a screenplay). But I don’t really work well with outlines (and without them, who knows if these stories actually work in the real world). I did it with The Spinster and I had four different versions.  So yet again, for this one I’m doing seat of the pants writing but with kind of a vague outline cushion to fall back on. 
          
          Again, no idea why I felt the need to write this down (and why I felt the need to post it). I guess I just can’t get my brain to stop right now. Do you ever wonder when it will start making sense? I had hoped that by my mid-30s I would be a little less lost but it seems to be getting worse by the day. I’ve always written not for self-expression but out of a need to make sense of things, but the more I write, the more I realize there’s nothing there. No answers, just questions giving birth to more questions.
          
          Ok, that spiraled down real quick. I hope you’re having a better day than I am. A better life, even. But don’t tell me. Because then I’ll resent you subconsiously because that’s the kind of person I am, unfortunately.
          
          It’s 2:27am, really time to shut up and shut down.