@Niti_InkHello. I read your first 2 chapters. It hooked me right from the start-Innocent, strong-willed girl vs mysterious, dangerous man. What made me love your story is the fact that, although the ML seems dangerous, he is a gentleman.
Most of the novels I have read till now, mostly, FL will be a stubborn and strong woman, but the moment she faces ML, she will be pathetic. Here you changed that. Though she slipped and almost fell she steadied herself. This scene subtly shows the reader that this is not your regular slip-down helpless girl, a timely helping hero.
The situation where he wants to help her, 'Involuntarily, Rudra's hands lifted slightly off the steering wheel, as if he could catch her through the air, through the glass. "Careful..." he whispered, ridiculous, because of course she couldn't hear him'.
This sentence, I almost imagined this scene. Well done!
The story moves quickly between events. While this kept me engaged, I wanted a little more time to sit with the character's emotions. But it doesn't affect my interest in continuing. (after all, I only read 2 chapters till now, so I can't judge ). Overall, as a reader, I loved your story so much.
Also, this sentence with romantic tension, one possible alternative could be: "and the way he stood there, just watching, and then his eyes... so dark, so full of something she couldn't understand."
You can polish it, "and the way he stood there simply watching, those eyes - so dark, ( unreadable) or filled with something she couldn't name." Something like this. It doesn't change the meaning, but makes the sentence flow smoothly for the reader.
I say the core emotional hook is already there. If you like, we can take this forward and work together until you complete serializing this full novel. I can custom package for you.
If you want to discuss further, DM me or check my bio for Fiverr link - recommended since no scam.
