Phoenix

Seven—six—eleven—five—nine and twenty miles today 
          Four—eleven—seventeen—thirty two the day before

I hate having dreams of being assaulted so fucking bad, when it happened to me I hated the experience so why is it now I have dreams about it happening? Why do I have dreams where I let it happen, where I wake up slightly wishing it happened just so I could feel loved by someone

I hate everything so bad it’s like no matter what I do I’ll never be good enough, I’ll always find myself failing, I’ll take meds to make myself a better person I’ll take tutoring I’ll do anything and everything so I can be better and it’s never good enough, I’ll never be good enough and I’ll always end up disappointing my family, it’s moments like these I wish I could just off myself because no matter what I’ll disappoint them, but at least if I do that then I don’t have to live through the guilt of disappointing them

What’s the softest way to say you took away my friend, my buddy?
          What’s the kindest way to say you took away my friend?
          What’s the kindest way to say you took away my friend, my buddy?
          What’s the kindest way to say the end?

I’m fixating on chromakopia so baf

I’m going to recreate shibuya incident toji no joke laughing crying emoji laughing crying emoji laughing crying emoji GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD JUST HURRY AND GET OUT OF MY HEAD ALREADY ISTG EVERY TIME I START TO HEAL THESE MOTHERFUCKERS SHOW UP AGAIN IN MY DREAMS WHY CANT YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY

Lil bro listen to me when I say, lyrics go in the status, not the about me, you look corny that way

I just want an apology 

On thé plus side, my meds make me less hungry so I’ll hopefully lose weight, I just want to wear cute crop tops without having to pull my pants or my skirts over my stomach 

Im starting to hate the person I am, I hate the person I am so much I’m literally thinking about taking my meds before hanging out with a friend I’ve known for 7 years tomorrow, I’ve always masked heavily around my friends but I’m now at a point where masking doesn’t work anymore and I need to change who *I* am, I’m becoming more like my parents and it SUCKS!!!!!!!!! I’m relying on my meds to be a better person and unfortunately I think that’s how my life will always be because of my AuDHD, I need to rely on my meds to function normally