Phoenix

I love my friends even though they all hate me, I love my parents even though they both hate me, I just wish someone actually gave a shit about my existence, if I was gone nobody would know, nobody reaches out to me I’m always trying so hard to make an effort for them, I’ve paid for so many dinners with my own money I’m so tired, I love my parents but they’re literally just bad and worse, having to cut both of them out of my life sucks so fucking bad I’m so tired

Pluck out my brain cells and eat them even if there’s only two

I’m 19 why am I getting back pain and heartburn??????

I’m bored send me gimmicks !!!!!!! 
          https://wholeeegrwhale.straw.page

Seven—six—eleven—five—nine and twenty miles today 
          Four—eleven—seventeen—thirty two the day before

I hate having dreams of being assaulted so fucking bad, when it happened to me I hated the experience so why is it now I have dreams about it happening? Why do I have dreams where I let it happen, where I wake up slightly wishing it happened just so I could feel loved by someone

I hate everything so bad it’s like no matter what I do I’ll never be good enough, I’ll always find myself failing, I’ll take meds to make myself a better person I’ll take tutoring I’ll do anything and everything so I can be better and it’s never good enough, I’ll never be good enough and I’ll always end up disappointing my family, it’s moments like these I wish I could just off myself because no matter what I’ll disappoint them, but at least if I do that then I don’t have to live through the guilt of disappointing them

What’s the softest way to say you took away my friend, my buddy?
          What’s the kindest way to say you took away my friend?
          What’s the kindest way to say you took away my friend, my buddy?
          What’s the kindest way to say the end?

I’m fixating on chromakopia so baf

I’m going to recreate shibuya incident toji no joke laughing crying emoji laughing crying emoji laughing crying emoji GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD JUST HURRY AND GET OUT OF MY HEAD ALREADY ISTG EVERY TIME I START TO HEAL THESE MOTHERFUCKERS SHOW UP AGAIN IN MY DREAMS WHY CANT YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY