Kolson Myers

since I can remember every best friend I had , every other person I thought to be close friend of mine and even my crush , all had someone else they had cherishes more than me while I loved them the most in my life

and I need someone to look at me as  a person deserves to be loved not as someone who scores well ,as an overachiever ,not as a means to use me for their own benefit , is it too selfish or desperate for someone to wish this??

Idk why I am yapping but here I am today my friend was crying bc her boyfirend had ignored her although they had takled the previous evening but he wasnt talking in school so she started crying very long before I too had a relationship ,thought this was the endgame of mine ,having the mindset date to marry I told him my darkest secrets those I wouldnot dare to even think about now and in  return he told to his friends and made fun of me and abused me too using vile words , spread rumours about me my friend is still friends with him and those friends of his whom I dont even talk to bc of their abusive behaviour , she told me that I was too much ,too possessive always overthinking even though we were all in same class( now we are in different classes ) he ruined me for anyone else now its not like I am that much desperate to have a person for me that loves me , my friend says I have become desperate for love but now seeing her behaviour today ,I realised some people advice others but dont apply that advice to themselves . when my interest does not used to talk to me and I was sad , she said it was boys behaviour and I should not worry much laughing and teasing . I cannot even understand how those boys could come to her and bitch about me ,no one not even now have the guts to bitch about that friend bc I address her as my bestfriend