I want to paint my room as black as my soul and bed sheets and just wear all my black clothes at once basically, but I also want to keep it pink and change my bed sheets to pink whatever and wear bright pink girly clothes and bring my Usachan wherever I got, bit I also want to change my room color to blue and keep my bed sheets and dress like a guy and be able to call everyone dude while telling dad jokes, but I also want to get mt nonexistent life together right now. Help.