SHOWER THOUGHT:
-If a sweater makes you sweat, are you the sweater?
-At age 30, you've spent a month having birthdays.
-"Go to bed, you'll feel better in the morning" is the human version of "Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?"
-If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.
-Lawyers hope you get sued, doctors hope you get sick, cops hope you're criminal, mechanics hope you have car trouble, but only a thief wishes prosperity for you.
-As a kid my parents taught me to not believe everything I see on TV, now I have to teach them to not believe everything they see on Facebook.