!?

At the same time I can also see why you were reaching out for me. I understand you and yes, I heard you clearly. I desperately wanted the same because I missed you. Every day, I always told myself that I regretted choosing to be so selfish and I have always reflected on myself after all of these. Every single day. All, I can say is, it was just unfortunate that we both want different things and we both cope with our problems differently. You know, I'm genuinely happy that you found someone new. I really do. You deserved someone better. I always pray to God that you'll be happy and love someone else instead and whatever pain (if) you ever had to endure because of me while we were together or after we were together, just let God give them to me. Let me bear it. And my prayers have been answered. And so, I endured it for a long, long time. If this is my karma for choosing this decision, I will accept it with an open heart

I disappeared for a year, and suddenly you forced yourself  back in my life again asking me to be friends again and then, I told you no because I'm not ready, I still haven't move on yet. (I am not even sure what I felt, maybe I have. Maybe I only missed the memories but I was sure talking to you at the same really made me sick physically. I cried. It was so, so bad.) "I found someone new already, please move on", you said. You were so shocked at how I still can't bring myself to talk to you even after a year. I know, it was so frustrating. Every time you try to reach out, I run away. I admire how stubborn you are for always trying, because really, who else on this earth is willing to do that? I know from the moment we became best friends, I knew there won't be another you in this world. But you know, in this situation, all I want is time for myself to heal

Turns out things were starting to get out of hand. At this point, we will hurt each other, and whatever " post break-up friendship/relationship" we are having right now will hurt us really really bad. Then, another deep and thorough conversation happened. More closures, in hope that both parties are satisfied that their messages that have been stored in their hearts for so long have been delivered carefully to each other. More promises. And, of course this led me to suppress my feelings even more and stop talking to you eventually.

Or maybe if I went to Seoul. I was supposed to go for a student exchange programme in Korea but.. things didn't go as I planned, unfortunately. I wish I could go there. I wish we could meet before we end everything. But it's too late now and the damage is done

I always wonder what kind of future we'll be having if you're actually here physically with me instead of in Seoul

But

Yeah 

oh..

This is not right. I hope you're not taking advantage of me and my feelings

One of the worst shit is that, i don't even know what are you feeling towards me. It's so confusing, it's so ¿? Fuck

Sigh. I don't know. 

My heart hurts. This is so confusing 

Here i am listening to your playlist. It's so sad, it feels like i'm breaking up with you 

You're supposed to feel disgusted or mad..? Gosh i don't know. I'm so nervous 

No way

No. No. You're with boyfriend 

Am i overthinking everything or you're actually ....... ?¿

But it's okay, that's love. this is how i fight for my love