Dakota

A lot has happened over these past couple months. 
          I’m done with hiding from this stupid virus. Me and my family are heading out to our cabin and than taking a flight to our friends wedding. 
          Even though I am able to see whomever I please and not have to worry my gf isn’t as lucky. She has Diabetes so she has to be way more careful. COVID-19 attacks people with diabetes worse than normal people. So sadly I haven’t been able to see her sense the middle of March. 
          It wasn’t as important at the time because I didn’t think it would last this long. I miss her so much but at least I was able to see her from 6ft away for a time. 
          She headed off to see her great grandma and I have to leave for my cabin before she even gets back. I won’t see her in person until late August early September. Even then I don’t know if I’ll get to be close with her. If there is another wave I won’t be able to see her until everything has completely settled down. 
          I hate having to be away from her. 
          I’m just glad that me and her are able to stand through hard times and help each other through it. This won’t be the first summer we won’t see each other, it’s just the first that we won’t see each other at all and haven’t seen each other for a very long time. 
          
          But these are just my problems. I needed a rant that no one would read. 

I sometimes wonder if witchery and magic is real. 
          I know very little about people who are witches and what that all means and can mean. 
          I do believe their are good and evil spirits of some kind and things that can protect you. 
          Witches sometimes cast spells on objects that they wear on a daily basis to protect themselves and if it goes missing it could have saved you from something. 
          Well my girlfriend got me a necklace around our 1 year anniversary and ever sense I got it I considered it to be a protector, like she is watching over me. And without this necklace I felt anxious and felt like something bad was going to happen. Recently that necklace went missing and I went searching everywhere for it and there was no trace. So I replaced it with another one because without the necklace I felt so scared and anxious. I got one that is almost identical to the last and feel a whole lot better with it on. Like I’m safe again. 
          
          Idk I could be insane, if anyone even sees this let me know what you think. 

When you totally mess up and have absolutely no idea what to do to fix it. 
          
          I told someone something that I shouldn’t have known about let alone told someone else about. And it ended up getting to someone who shouldn’t have known. And basically I’m in deep crap because I messed up and it almost got to someone that could have ruined everything. And there is still a chance that it will get to them. 
          I have no idea what to do cause I ruined so many peoples trust by saying one little thing. I have no idea how I can face these people after the stupidity of how I shared stuff I wasn’t supposed to. And I’m so worried about how they will think of me and treat me. I don’t want anyone to hate or be angry at me even if I deserve it. I just want everything to go back to normal without my stupid actions. 

I think I should mention that I started panicking over a video about how not to stress when going to the dentist. I ended up subbing from anxiety. But the way I got into watching that video was watching someone trim cow toes and hearing the sound of the electric tool. I wasn’t looking at my phone when it started and completely panicked and almost cried then realized it was just cows getting electric pedicures. 

Okay so I’ve been thinking about this for a while and it’s slowly annoying me more and more. 
          Me and my mom were talking about global warming and Gretta the really young girl standing up for it. And she basically said that Greta shouldn’t be an example for all these people. I asked why, I was confused cause she is standing up for something that is important to her and so many people. My mom said that everyone is using her for this and that she is being used to easily because she is autistic. 
          Like are you kidding me. That pisses me off so much. All because “the earth will last as long as god and Jesus need it to” I literally asked her if she would just let the world die and burn with us on it without doing anything and she said “yeah. It’s gods plan. I’m doing what I can like composting and turning off lights but I’m not going to go vegan because a few scientists and a teenager says the world is going to die” *big sigh*

I’m so emotional rn what the heck. Get ready for some spam

It kinda scares me how much I want her to be part of my life. Like I want her to be mine and for us to get married and be together and spend more time together. 
          I just wish that she could always be mine. It scares me to know that it might not happen that way. No mater how much I don’t want to admit it I don’t want to loose her. 
          She has some medical issues and it makes her have a higher chance of having seizures and potentially dying. I hate thinking about it. 
          I’m scared that she doesn’t feel the same. She often talks about randomly disappearing and going off to some random country with very little to no contact and I don’t think I can mentally handle that. I doubt she would actually go through with it but it she did I have no idea what I would do. 
          It’s way to late to rant about this. Goodbye 

I personally never wanted to have a child. Like I would totally adopt but not have a child myself. Just because of all of the medical things and there would be so many things I would be uncomfortable with. 
          And yeah I’m not that old but whenever she talks about kids and how she has had to accept not being able to have kids, I want to have kids for her.
          Slap a baby in me and call it ours. Like I couldn’t imagine doing that for anyone else. But I’d want to with her, for her. Because that’s something she won’t have the opportunity to do and I want to be able to have her get the closest to that experience. 

On a more random note. I want to have white silvery hair. Like Draco malfoy. Like I really want it. ☹️ I just wish it wouldn’t fry my hair cause my hair is soft and I like it. 

Is kissing like a scary thing? Or am I just a terrified little noob  I probably am
          Been in a relationship for almost 2 years and still haven’t made a move 
          Well maybe I should make a goal for myself. To actually complete. See she doesn’t really like cliches so waiting until new years is out. I could just not be a wimp  well when it happens I’m sure I will talk here about it as I do with most things.