lanaisadumbass

i cannot express how bored i am rn.
          	
          	
          	
          	
          	
          	
          	
          	that's it. that's the tweet.

lanaisadumbass

this message may be offensive 
can't remember the last time i went to sleep at a reasonable time. and i know it's summer so it doesn't matter, but i feel like an unproductive lump all the time.
          
          am i depressed? maybe :D
          
          i took that google self-diagnosis quiz, and my results suggest that i have a moderate level of depression, according to the phq-9 scale, so that's super cool and fun. unofficially part of the depression and anxiety squad !!1! ✌️ 
          
          (according to google, i have a severe level of anxiety, according to the gad-7 scale)
          
          i know self diagnosis is dumb, and i'm obviously not gonna go around telling people in my everyday life that i have anxiety & depression, but wattpad is dumb and no one cares so yk
          
          anyway, i have no new ideas for books, which is fantastic, all my old ones are annoying, and summer is going by way more slowly than i'd like it to 
          
          (sorry for being dramatic, but again, no one cares)

lanaisadumbass

this message may be offensive 
i really fucking underestimated how hard it would be to just jump back in to rewriting ftnts lmao. my writing style has definitely grown a lot, but i've also grown away from the characters, as it's been five months since i've touched the book, and i have no idea how to write it anymore, so that's cool :D
          
          on a different note, this week was my first full week of summer break, but i already feel like i just want summer to be over so yk. things are just great

lanaisadumbass

as a follow-up message to my last one, i'd just like to let everyone know that i finished frankenstein a few weeks ago and it's very good.
          
          there's something so timeless and perfect about the way old books are written. they weren't written to meet some kind of standard set by society or to appease readers, they were truly written for what the author wanted them to be, and you can tell while reading.
          
          all the main characters have real flaws. there are villains yet grey areas and there aren't heros and antagonists so much as main characters. wuthering heights and frankenstein are both like this, because, really, who's supposed to be the hero in either of those stories? and who's supposed to be the villain?
          
          i feel like we're always taught that this is the only good way to lay out a story, that you need a clear-cut protagonist and antagonist, which is why so many romances have exes and mean girls, just to spice things up, just to make sure they have that villain.
          
          but, all you really need for a story to be worth telling is conflict. and conflict can come from anything. conflict doesn't need to be this white and black, good and bad, easily discernible difference, with the antagonist egging on the protagonist. it can be the protagonist becoming a monster or the antagonist being redeemable or the antagonist really only being that to the hero, but not to anyone else. it can be imperfections and insecurities and arguments and just anything. it can be grey. because the world, real life, is grey.
          
          uh that's it. gonna go write something far less deep and/or thought-provoking than this off-brand discussion post

lanaisadumbass

just wanna let everyone know that i finished wuthering heights the other day and it's a very good book in case anyone is on the fence about reading it. it starts off slow, but things really pick up around the third or fourth chapter and then soon you're crying and you're wondering what could be left because you're so sad and you're only halfway through the book.
          
          anyway.
          
          great read. the brontës are the best. i'd also like to express my contempt for anna todd, for having the audacity to compare her characters, even through themselves, to catherine and heathcliff (and elizabeth and darcy). idk why but it feels like disrespectful to me honestly lmao. there is no modern tragedy that can compare to one of the past, and, if there is (all the bright places type beat (the book, not the movie. the movie is disgusting)), it's certainly not published harry styles fanfiction.
          
          maybe that was harsh but i said what i said. and yeah, i'm not a great writer either, but i also don't compare my characters and their stories to classic novels that are literal works of art.
          
          thanks for coming to my ted talk.
          
          x.

lanaisadumbass

unrelated but i just remembered that ftnts is a thing that im supposed to be editing rn... ahaha. jack and lane really have been in the back burner lately.
          
          i made a goal for myself to write a thousand words a week and i haven't stuck to that goal at all but maybe i'll try to start. it was for a dumb project in my english class, so it's not like i actually meant it when i said it, but still.
          
          um anyway. i'll try to edit ftnts soon i guess. from experience, writing two books at once isn't the move for me, but idk. i love editing, so maybe it'll give me a welcome break to not have to think about plot and just rewrite an already written story.
          
          sorry for rambling so much and talking like people are listening. something it's nice to imagine that people are listening, though. it's the same premise as a diary, just... on wattpad. that's embarrassing. 
          
          i think i'm gonna watch parks and rec on pirated uk netflix and edit ftnts. maybe i'll write the next chapter of amboi (kinda love that acronym) or something. maybe i'll finally go to sleep at a decent time. or not.
          
          um yeah. peace.
          
          x.