You asked me to read your story and give you feedback a few weeks ago and I just got around to it, sorry about that. I really like how your story's going but you're doing the same thing I do, no matter how hard I try to avoid it. You're telling and not showing. It's hard to explain but practically people like learning for themselves how something is, not being told straight up. As I said before I have a hard time with this but if you can do it your story will be golden. The only other thing that I have that's critical is your cover but that's more or less just something you can change on a whim, so I'm not worried. I really like your story and characters, maybe a little more details about things around her but I'd say you have some real talent and to keep going. Every day you write is a day you get better at writing. I hope this help and didn't offend you. Feel free to ask me again or tell me I don't know anything about writing, I like getting criticised also. -donnimo412
