lee1353

You’re welcome! It really is good! The plot line is really original and captivating:)

I read it, and I have quite a bit to say.  The story has good plot potential, it just needs some help with executing it.  The story starts out "en media res" or in the middle of all the action.  There's not much background information and it is a little confusing.  I don't know if it's like a fanfic or based off of something, but I had no clue as to what the different places were and the plot felt kind of rushed and jumpy.  The main character seemed really sarcastic and not very personal.  I mean, unless you're constantly irritated at everything, there wasn't much to relate to.  It felt vaguely Celaena Sardotien-esque (you should definitely check out the way Sarah J. Maas' writes; she is phenominal) and it's a good start.  Number one, the first and easiest way to upgrade the quality of your book is to use proper grammer and correct punctuation.  Something I noticed with the internal thoughts and dialogue, was that there were so many "_" indicating sarcasm.  You can artfully include sarcasm without the "quotey marks" but with how you phrase it.  All in all, it is a great first start at writing and you have a lot of potential since it seems you have a pretty good imagination.  If you would like me to help edit, I wouldn't mind doing it in my free time.  Thanks for asking me to critique, and 
            Good Luck!

You're welcome! It's such a great book! I love the plot line and how it has so many twists, but I do hope that Alaia and Zack end up together.....  (please???)