Hi! I just read the first part of your story "Unbounded" and I have some input! You have a great sense of how to properly structure sentences, and I really like the characters and plot so far. One thing I noticed when I was reading is that sometimes it was hard to tell when two different characters were speaking. Basically, there would be one person speaking and then you would put the 2nd character's response in the same paragraph! This is a simple fix, I just advise making sure that it's separate that way the story flows better, and then it's easier for the reader to tell who is saying what. Secondly, it kind of felt like the POV was shifting. This is okay, but at the beginning I had believed it was in 3rd person POV, and then it shifted to 2nd, so I would recommend making sure you know which one you want to do! Lastly, I think that you could be a little more descriptive! The sequence of events is nice, but sometimes the sentences can feel a little bland! What I do is try to sometimes describe the way the character looks in that moment, or using a metaphor to how they feel/are acting. But overall, it is very good! I will definitely continue reading because I can see the potential, and I need some twilight fan fictions, and so far, I love yours! Keep up the amazing work, and please take this ad vice as me trying to be helpful. You don't have to listen, I just wanted to help out! If you have anymore questions or regards, just leave another message in my conversations tab! <3
