Pheonix Lovegood

peepeepoopoo

I'm a fucking idiot..... I can't remember my password and if I log out I'll never be able to come back on wattpad......help!

I want to see you at your worst so I get to witness the miracle of you at your best. Pick you up if you're down. Hear about your dreams. See your personality. Listen to you when you have something on your mind. Know you a lot more. Wipe away any pain that dared to hurt you. Support you when you need it. Darling, I want to show you I've changed, that my past is no longer me. I want to do anything in my power to be a good girlfriend. The kind of girlfriend who would do anything for you. I want to be there for you. I want to be by your side, through thick and thin. Because I know there are gonna be some hard times. Hell, most of then might even come from me! Me with my damn stubbornness and moodsiwngs my ADHD and all that shit! I know we will get into fights, there's no escaping that, all relationships have them. But ours will actully be different. Because we will cool down and work it out, I promise. I know I'm awkward, I've never had a real relationship, a relationship where I cared about the guy as much as I do you. But not only do I want you to open up to me but I wanna open up to you. For you I would let you over my walls, the wa walls only few get over. I'll tell you my minds secrets. The secret horrible thoughts my brain likes to pelt me with. All my crazy out of control thoughts. You'll see the broken side of me the side no one in my personal life has ever saw. The side of the girl who cares so much she doesn't know how to show it. The girl who feels so many things at once that she feels nothing. The girl who feels like every second on this world is hurting her. The girl who has had way too much suicide in her life. The girl who feels worthless. Yes, I do want you to see that, because you would be the only person I would trust enough with the broken pieces of my soul. Mi amour, I don't want I realiship to be physical, I want us to understand each other. That's what I want mist of all, I want you, all of you.

I want a relationship with him. I really want to date him. I want to be able to kiss his cheek before a football game. I want to wrap my arms around him and laugh. I want to go to the coffee shop in town and play chess for our first date. Hear you call me your girl. I want to call you pet names. Like Mi amour, darling, Waterboy, my quarterback and so many more. Look into your gorgeous eyes and try to figure if they're more brown or hazel or watercolor they are! Have a movie date and cuddle. Have you show me off to your friends. Laugh your ass off and help me up when I trip over nothing. Have your fucking number! Give you free pixie stixs for your birthday.  Hold you. Be able to think and wonder how the fuck was I able to get you. Hold your hand. Joke about random shit. Go to the library and cuddle with a good book on a chair. I want to be selfish and have you to myself. I want you to listen to me rant about cats and Harry Potter or some other shit. I want to hug you and kiss your cheek after you win a football game. Hold you. I want to have my arms around your waist and smirk knowing you are all mine. I want to see a jealous or annoyed or hell even an amused glint in your eyes when I fangirl over a shirtless avenger. I want to be able to smirk at people who think they can have you. I just fucking want you. Is that so hard to see?I want to pull you out into the rain and you just stand and watch me or join me as I hold up my head and arms to the sky. I want to sit with you by a tree and read a book. I want stay up late and look at stars. I want to write you long ass notes like this. I want you damn it! I want to do so many things to you, with you, for you, and because of you. I want to be a better person around you. I want you so fucking much! And that's all just the physical thing I wanna do.

I've always told myself that I dont need a man. That I'm a badass bitch who can stand up for herself who stands up for others and what she believes in. Who is independent.Who says fuck you if someone trys to break my heart. Then you noticed me and found out about my extremely tiny crush at the time. You made me crush on you harder you, you idiot! You made me stay up late and think about you, thanks a lot dumbasd! You and your stupid perfect face and fucking fantastic personality! Fuck you for making me fall for you! Its your fault for making me blush! I hate that you make me giggle. Fuckin giggle like what the actual fuck! You fucking perfect asshole made me cry and question myself! YOU MADE ME FEEL LIKE BELLA SWAN AND FEEL LIKE A FUCKING DAMSEL IN DISTRESS! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT FOR MAKING ME LIKE YOU! you made me hope and daydream about you. And now I'm just so confused why just why do you put me through this. And what's worst is no matter how much I try to blame you for it, I cant. I dont mean it. It's not your fault, its mine. That's what makes it bad. And you know what? Still there's more! When I told my best bitch I liked you she was so surprised! She told me she never thought I would have a crush on you. She said that she always thought of me as the kinda girl who doesnt need a man, I still don't need you. I just want you.

How tf am supposed to know if you like me when all you do is stare at me every time you get to, smile whenever we make eye contact, watch me joke around with friends, follow me with your eyes while I'm walking past you, help me when I drop my things, worry whenever I'm being my clumsy ass self and fall on my ass, dont deny I'm your girl, smile widely when I compliment your boots, call my awkwardness cute, smile when I apologize for all the rumors about us and say it's fine and that You Dont Mind It, i see you smile when you look at me and blush as your friends look my way and back at you smirking, accept me asking if you want to go as my date to a party One week.
          And then the next week you stand me up at said dance, dont even tell me why, say you dont want my number, avoid all eye contact, dont even look my way, decline an opportunity to sit by me, walk past me in the hall without saying anything, and just plain put break my heart? Why are you doing this to me? Do you fucking like me or not?

One of the types of people that I favor is the kind who try to make people smile even when they themselves are dying inside.
          There are many many ways to put this but all of them come down to the same thing, I like people who can see that others are dying because they die every day themselves, so they try to not let people feel like they do and make them smile even when they need to smile themselves. 
          Smile at everyone and make them feel worthy because you know how that feels so dont make others feel like that.

I'm a mirror, I reflect the attitude and actions of those around me. 
          Not the exact same attitude but very similar. 
          You're rude to me I'm rude back but more violently. 
          You're really nice to me, I'm extra nice to you. 
          You're being a bitch to me, honey I'll be a fucking devil.

I'm in that mood where I wanna be productive but I wanna stay in my warm bed.

I say the most random shit that dont make sense. Actually it totally makes sense it's just most people cant understand me because their brains last IQ cells are way lower than my level of intelligence.