I liked it. I’m a little confused tho, who and what are they and where does this take place? I saw that it’s a crossover but I’m not sure what it’s a crossover from. You’ll have to forgive me I’m kinda new to most anime of this is from anime shows. :) You have written it well tho, you’ve placed the proper enunciations, commas, and everything very well and I appreciate that. But, and I mean this the best way possible, when you’re writing pretend you’re floating above whatever scene you are writing. Pretend to describe what’s going on to someone who can’t see. Like say the main character was upset, describe to the blind person their expression, the way they clench their fists. Or describe the surrounding area, like the bench with an old man sitting on it while he reads a newspaper. You are doing a very good job especially for your first story. I look forward to reading more !
