@Taurus_coconut No, honey, I genuinely won’t mind a single word of yours. In fact, you’re absolutely right. And honestly, this is something I think about myself more often than you probably realize. That I should stay in touch with you all even when I’m not writing. I should at least leave little updates on the message board, tell you what’s going on with me, or just randomly come here and talk to you all instead of completely disappearing whenever I’m not able to update.
Even I don’t like this complete cut-off that I do. It’s not something I consciously choose because I don’t care about you all or don’t want to interact with you. Quite the opposite, actually. I’ve tried so many times to break that habit. There have been countless occasions when I typed out a whole message, intending to tell you all what was going on in my life, only to stare at it for a while and eventually delete the entire thing before posting it.
And I think the reason is that, in real life, I’m actually a very avoidant and emotionally dry person. 😭 You might find that difficult to believe because I write books, write characters who have pages and pages of internal monologues, and somehow seem pretty good at putting complicated emotions into words. But the funny thing is, I’m actually terrible at doing that when it comes to myself.
I can write about someone else’s pain for thousands of words. I can dissect a fictional character’s emotions, fears, insecurities and vulnerabilities. But when it comes to sitting down and saying, “This is what I’m going through right now,” I suddenly have absolutely no idea how to do it. I just… can’t get myself to tell people what’s actually happening with me.
I have a tendency to avoid and ignore whenever something is bothering me.
