lily-

lmao? i’m so fucking dumb? why did i ever have this account? why did i ever let myself get hurt lmao?????

“i don’t know if im in love with you or the idea of loving you”

new theme who dis

i watched it yesterday ! it was so good 

hey babes, just a daily reminder that i love you ! and ur new theme omg 

the tiniest things make me stress out so much
          like the fact that i didn’t post on here for a bit my brain was nagging me and making me feel bad about it 
          i hate it
          like at school, if i mess up on one thing my brain attacks me for it 
          i hate myself

i hate this 
          i hate this so much 
          this constant ‘feeling’ of nothingness.
          i constantly feel numb, lightheaded, like im floating.
          when i am sitting in class i feel so fake, i feel like im watching a movie but like uh through my own eyes ? i don’t know.
          it’s all so hard, when this feeling starts to get too overwhelming, i start to panic. 
          then i work myself into a tizzy, and no one gets it.
          if i stumble while im walking because my vision gets blurry, my friends just laugh.
          my mom has been trying to get my insurance to send us ‘my card’ im not sure, but we haven’t been able to go to the doctor.
          i really want them to diagnose me, with something. i know that sounds bad, but i just want people to see that im not making this up.
          it’s all so real, but it’s all so fake.
          ihateitihateitihateit
          it’s all so tiring, im sleepy all the time.
          but then at bedtime, i stay up and ponder and think about what it was like to feel in reality. 
          i just can’t grasp it, it’s all just left me.
          i am scared, this is scary.
          i just want to live the way i did.
          i want it to all be okay again.

zoe is my wife sry ladies 

I love you lily 
          i love you alot 

just wow , im so grateful to know you